Wow....

It has been a crazy couple of weeks.  I have been stuck, definitely not in a good place and I am so glad to be back.  I plan to post all about it.  I just wanted to get a quick post done now and actually weigh in.  I will get my weight for the last two weeks (off the Wii) and update my chart later, but for now I am going to post today's weight: 174.02 lbs.  I have officially lost over 30 lbs.  WOW!!!  I do not know how I lost anything at all, but I will explain it all in my next post.  I am not giving up though.  Oh, wow, I just realized that I can actually take an updated photo for my blog.  I will have to get to that soon. 

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day

Hello :)  It's Tuesday again and, as usual, I had my date with the scale this morning.  My weight is 176.22 lbs this morning.  I am down 0.88 lbs from last week.  It isn't a huge loss, but it's a loss.  I will take it! 
In my last post I mentioned how well I was doing with my eating.  But you may have noticed that I didn't mention exercise.  That is because I wasn't doing it.  None, at all.  Anyway I decided to get back on track with that too.  I am committing to my minimum half hour per day again.  I am really glad that I did.  Yesterday I worked out for one hour on the Wii and then I did my crunches and weights.  This morning I have already completed my half hour and I feel really good. 
When I get off track and skip workouts I end up making a huge issue out of it in my head.  I will think things like "I need to start working out again" and turn it into this big huge thing in my head and then I end up not doing it and time goes by.  I realized that I was doing this and I stopped and thought that instead of making a huge deal about working out everyday, and getting back into it, and worrying about how much I should workout - I need to just get moving!!!  So I did.  I worked out yesterday and I worked out today.  I stopped worrying about the details and I stopped planning a workout and I just moved.  And, not at all surprisingly, I feel great. 
I didn't even realise I was sabotaging myself, but I was.  I was getting so caught up in thinking about what I should be doing that I wasn't actually doing anything.  Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky!!!  Does anyone else do this?  Anyway that's it for today.  I have plans for today so I better get moving.

Bye for now,

Feeling Groovy!!!

I really love where my head is right now. I am so on track, with my eating, and I feel unstoppable. I feel like I did at the beginning of this journey. I am excited, optimistic and determined. It feels really good to be back in the game. I have been very self-aware and I know that is why I am doing so well. I am able to stop and realize that I am just "hungry" because I am bored, frustrated, pms'ing, etc., etc., etc. I am really in touch with my feelings and actions. But I don't let them overwhelm me anymore. It feels really nice.

I have also been noticing a lot of things about my body in the last little while. I kept feeling like there was no real change since I began losing weight, but lately I have been noticing how different I really do feel. I can put on all of my clothes, straight out of the dryer and I don't have to pre-stretch anything. Was it just me that had to do that? :) I used to have to stretch out some of my shirts so that they 'fit right'. I also don't have to constantly make sure that my shirt is covering my butt or my belly and I don't have to continually adjust my bra. I no longer loosen my belt or pants (ie. popping open my button because I really enjoyed dinner) and I just feel comfortable in my skin. Does that make sense? It is a hard feeling to explain. I am definitely still overweight, but it is amazing how much better I already feel. I am excited again because if I feel this good now, imagine how great I will feel as I keep going.

So far my journey has taught me a lot of things, but I think the most important one is to love myself. I started out doing good things for myself because I knew that I should. Now I do these things because I know that I deserve to be happy and to feel great. I am no longer working at it because I should, I am automatically being good to myself. I am really happy about this. It took me a long time to feel like I deserved good things. The change came about and I didn't even realize it. I am really grateful for every bit of this journey. I am learning so much about me and I really love who I am.

Anyway, enough of the Rambly  Love Fest :)  I am going to bed at a semi-early hour tonight.  I need sleep!

Bye for now,

Slacking Off!!!

I am being such a slacker. I did not post my weight on Tuesday. I do not want to make this a habit. Keeping this blog going is very important to me. Lately I have been doing the bare minimum to keep it going and I am not okay with that. I will not miss posting my weight anymore. I will start posting more. I am doing pretty well right now. But I am not feeling the fire as much. You know? That feeling that keeps you going and feeling inspired. I am not feeling it as much and so I slack off. I am still losing - slowly. But I know that I can do better.  I am starting to get back into it again, recognizing the progress I have made so far.  I am so close to 30 lbs lost and that amazes me.  I am wearing my engagement ring and my wedding band again.  Yay!!!  I am able to try clothes on in the regular section of the store - which is awesome, but a little overwhelming.  I am happier!  The last one is the most important of course.  I am going to spend some time being grateful and accepting myself.  I know that I will achieve my goals.  I plan on focusing on me again.  Hey, look at that - I can feel the excitement coming back!  Every time I post I feel it again a little more, and so, since I am not a dummy, I will post more.  Whatever I think or feel or really anything at all that keeps me going, I will be putting up here.  I am ready to get moving again.  Oh yeah my weight on Tuesday was 177.10 lbs.  I have three more to go until I am at 30 lost - Yay!!! 
Happy Thanksgiving to all of my American bloggy friends :)

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day

Hello :)

So, I had my wisdom teeth out yesterday, and - ouch!!! Definitely not as bad as I expected, but it hurts a bit.  I weighed in this morning and I am maintaining.  Weird, because I didn't eat for like 36 hours, but oh well.  So my weight is the same as on Friday 179.08 lbs.  That's it for now, I am feeling a little sore right now so......

bye for now,

I AM OVERWEIGHT!!!

And, yes - I am yelling!  I am so very happy to post this.  I am finally, finally, overweight.  No longer obese - never again!!!  Not if I can help it.  And I know that I can.  I really can.  I weighed in this morning and I have lost 0.66 lbs. since Tuesday.  I am at 179.08 lbs.  Yay, yay, yay!  Okay, I am a little excited.  I cannot explain to you how much I have hated hearing the voice on Wii Fit telling me every time I weighed in "that's obese!" - ugh! - it drove me CRAZY!!!  But this morning it said "that's overweight".  Awesome!  I am finally over the 25 lbs. lost hump.  It was starting to feel like I would never make it.  It has been really, really easy to lose these last five lbs. or so.  I am being very cautious right now, I am on the lookout for sneak attacks from my 'inner sabotager'.  But so far, so good.  I am going to just go with it and take in this great feeling and let it build.  I am not sure how I will be feeling on Tuesday, but hopefully I will be back to post my official weigh in.  If not, I will do it a.s.a.p.  I am having my wisdom teeth removed on Monday and I am a huge baby, so I am very nervous.  I am on blood thinners, so any kind of surgery freaks me out - a lot!!!  Oh well, I'll be fine.  Just for the record I am happy to post that I have lost 4.1 points off my B.M.I. and 25.02 lbs. - so far!  Have a super-great weekend and sorry for all of my exclamations and italicising (sp?)  I am a little exuberant this morning :)

Bye for now, 


P.S.  I played Just Dance 2 (Wii)  with my sister's last night and it was so much fun.  I definitely recommend it if you are looking for a fun way to get moving!!!  I know that sounded like an advertisement but I just thought the game was a lot of fun :)

Weigh-In Day

Tuesday again. I am doing okay. I know I could be doing better, though. SO that will be the plan this week.  I decided to go through my closet and try everything on because things are really starting to fit me differently now.  These last few pounds really seem to be making a difference.  So I tried on everything.  Even the stuff that was 'too small', and guess what!  It was all so big on me.  All my clothes from last winter are so big now.  That feels really weird.  Even in the beginning when I was so focused I still had a hard time believing that I could actually do it.  That I could actually get smaller and healthier.  But I am doing it!  I tried on a strapless, formal dress from my sister's wedding three years ago.  Back then I had to wear this one piece torture device bra thingy and have everything sucked in and then it would zip.  Yesterday I just threw it on and my husband zipped it right up and it was baggy.  Wow!!!  Anyway, enough of that.  This morning my weight was 179.74 lbs.  I am 1.74 lbs away from my first real goal.  I was 178 lbs ten years ago when I got pregnant with my daughter.  It is funny because back then I had gained quite a bit of weight trying to get pregnant and taking hormones that my doctor should not have given me.  I was so upset to be at 178 lbs.  It is amazing how different I feel coming at it from the other side.  I cannot wait to weight that much.  I am really doing it this time.  Finally!  Well that is it for today.

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day

Hi :)  I have got to get back into the habit of blogging more often.  I feel like I am a little disconnected right now.  So, more blogging!  Anyway, today is weigh in day, so here I am again.  For some strange reason I wrote a post for last week and saved it but didn't post it, so I will just combine the two posts.  Last Tuesday I had a maintain again.  No change at all.  Today, though, I am down to 181.72 lbs.  I don't even really know how that happened, but I will take it.  The scale is finally moving again.  I had considered not weighing for the month of November, to get over this block I seem to have, but for now I think I will keep it up.  I plan to post more.  I usually feel like it is pointless to keep posting the same weight over and over.  But I am going to be persistent.  Nobody ever got anywhere by giving up!  Today I am down 3.3 more lbs. and I am happy about that.  Time to move forward.  I am so close to being overweight ;)  I cannot wait to be out of the obese category - I hate it here!  Anyway, that is it for now.  Happy Tuesday!

Bye for now,

Feeling Great :)

I have been feeling really great this week. This is also the week I gave up junk food. Coincidence??? I think not! I am so glad that I gave up  the junk for a week. I actually forgot about it until I looked at the calendar and realized  that today was my last 'no junk food' day. It gets so easy to say no to all of the extra crap after just a day or so. I stopped missing it and forgot I was in the middle of a challenge. No sugar headaches this week and best of all I feel really great!!!  Did I mention that already? ;)  I am just posting this as a reminder to myself of how easy it is to kick the junk habit.  It was crazy-easy and I feel better, I do not plan to let the habit take over again.  Maybe I will just cut sugar out entirely, eventually, but for now it feels good to take the control away from the sugar monster who is lurking inside of me.  Anyway that's it for today, I'll be back tomorrow for weigh in day. 

Happy Monday!

Weigh-In Day

It's that time again :) I really did not want to step on the scale this morning.  I have been avoiding it.  So I did it anyway and I am glad that I did.  I always seem to blow things way out of proportion.  I am not where I want to be yet, not by a long shot.  But I am also definitely not doing as bad as I convince myself that I am.  I lost .22lbs.  Not great, I know!!!  But it is definitely nowhere near the 5-10 lbs I convinced myself that I had gained.  Isn't it crazy what our own minds can do to us?  I am so glad that I am recognizing these things more and more lately.  So anyway my current weight is 185.02 lbs.  Now to get things moving again :)  I am committing to no junk this week.  Maybe it sounds easy, but I am in the middle of a sugar situation :)  So getting past it always seems a little harder, once I am out of it is is much easier.  So I am committing to one week of no junk at all and next Tuesday I will reevaluate the situation.  I think I may have to just give up the crap for good.  I don't even really like it all that much, why do I let it get a hold of me?  Well, that's it for now.  I am giving up junk food, meaning cookies, granola bars, chips, anything packaged really.  One week, I will be able to think much more clearly without all this sugar in my system.  Happy Tuesday!

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day

Tuesday is here again and, yay for me, that means it's weigh in day :)  I weighed myself and there is no change from last week.  I am maintaining. 
I was a little disappointed when I saw that and then I realized a couple of things.  Number one is that this past weekend was Thanksgiving - and that is usually a problem for me.  And number two is that I am right in the middle of that t.o.m., ugh!  In the past either of those two things would have packed on at least a bit of weight  So I feel like I have been doing really well. 
I have been making good choices.  I have been keeping up with my 30 Day Shred Challenge (I love workout 2, btw).  I have been doing okay. 
I can do better, I know that.  I am sure you guys know it too. 
I have been having thoughts lately of closing up my blog.  I have thought about quitting.  I keep asking myself "What are you really getting from this anyway?".  But I am not going to quit.  I am not going to give up. 
It really does suck to post when I am doing a crappy job, or when the scale isn't moving, or - even worse - moving up!!!  But I am still going to post.  People may find it depressing, I may lose followers.  Maybe nobody will read.  I understand, I love the bloggers who are consistently losing.  They are definitely inspiring.  I hope to one day be there. 
But for now I am going to post where I am at. 
I must have some kind of internal block that will not let me move forward.  I cannot seem to get any more weight off.  I will not stop though.  I never used to follow through on things.  I never held myself accountable for anything. 
I accepted the fact that I was a quitter! 
The fact that I have been at this since April is amazing to me.  It will be six months tomorrow.  For the past six months I have been making better choices, I have been choosing to take better care of myself.  I am happier, I am more confident, I feel like a different person.  Already!!! 
I am going to be grateful for the progress I have made so far, and I know I will make it through all of my goals.  I am having a hard time now, I hate sharing here sometimes - but I am still gonna do it :) 
I haven't quit yet, and I don't plan to. 
So tired of sitting here, I want to move forward - I guess we will see how badly I want it.

Weigh-In Day

Hello,

Today is Tuesday, so that means weigh in day, as usual. It is also day 5 of my own, personal, 30 Day Shred Challenge (yikes!!!) and Day 5 of the Gettin' Sexy Challenge. I have been doing really great.  I am glad to say that I have been staying on track with both challenges for the last five days.  I plan to do better with my eating for the next week, but I am feeling pretty good about things.  My weight this morning was 185.24 lbs.  So I have lost 3.08 lbs.  It isn't everything that I gained last week, but it is a good start.  I know that I can do better though.  So that will be next week's task :)

Bye for now,

Shredding

I did it!!! Day one of the 30 Day Shred, I mean. I was thinking of joining Syl's October Challenge, but I wasn't sure if my DVD would be here on time.  And, to be honest, I was a little scared intimidated to join in.  I figured it would be hard, and horrible and unbearable.  Well, anyway, my copy got here yesterday.  So I started it today, and I am going to challenge myself.  It was hard, for sure, but not as hard as I was expecting.  It seems crazy that I can do this.  I remember when I was so challenged just doing the step exercise on the Wii Fit Plus.  I was so surprised when I finished it.  My 9 y.o. daughter asked why I was so excited and I said "I didn't think I would be able to do it" so she say's "You just don't give yourself enough credit".  Smarty Pants!!!  I guess she has been listening to me :)  Oh, and just so I can look back and see future improvement (on those days when I may want to quit) I have to say:
jumping jacks - Yikes!!!
push ups - Ouch!!!
and sideways, lunge-y thingies with hand weights - Raaaargh!!!  :)

Happy Friday,

Loving The Journey

I am feeling fabulous! It is such a great feeling.  So I have been looking at what makes me feel this way. Strangely, it is not the number on the scale.  When I feel really great, it is because I am doing things that I love.
I have been struggling a bit lately and as I was looking back over my posts and reviewing my habits I realized something.  I am happiest and, consequently, lose the most weight, when I fill my days up with things that make me joyful. 
It turns into a cycle of good.  A cycle I definitely want to keep going.
I have been digging into my emotional crap a lot.  And I think that is good.  I believe it is necessary.  But I keep getting so caught up in the work of it that I forget to just be.
This week I have been doing things I love.  I have been reading books that inspire me, I have been listening to my positive thinking c.d., I have been drawing.  And yes, I have been exercising, and enjoying it!!!
I used to fill myself up with food and waste my time on mind numbing activities.  Now as I find myself waking up and stepping away from the food it seems like I have all of this extra space or time to fill up.
I have been taking away so much of my old life and at times I have felt a little scared and started to struggle.  It finally hit me.  Fill up the space with good.  With joy.  With all of the things you love.  Live like you deserve to be happy.  Take the time to do what you love.  Even if it is "silly" or "non-productive". 
I mean, seriously, when I draw what I create doesn't even usually make sense to me.  It may look crazy to others, or seem like a waste of time - but it makes me happy!!!
I think a lot of the time I feel like I deserve to be punished for what I have allowed myself to become.  I am making the journey harder than it has to be.  When I struggle, it seems like that is how it should be and I accept it. 
But what if I don't accept that? 
What if I decide that instead of feeling deprived I want to feel fulfilled? 
That is how I am feeling this week, and guess what - food doesn't feel like such a big deal this week.  Coincidence?  I think not!  I have decided to see what I can fill myself up with, if not food.
I feel fabulous!
I am excited about where I am going, sure.  But today I am loving the journey.  Isn't that exciting?  I am not going to block this feeling off anymore, I feel alive with energy and creativity.
Note to self: Keep it up :)




P.S. I am joining in on Lucy's Blog Hop again this week. I always find a lot of great blogs when I do :)

Gettin' Sexy

Katie at Finding The Thin Within is hosting a 'Gettin' Sexy Challenge' for October.  I have decided to join in on this one.  It is pretty simple, all you have to do is commit to doing something that makes you feel better about yourself for the month of October.  I have decided that I want to commit to listening to my positive thinking c.d. every day.  It is such a simple thing, but I never keep up with it and it always makes me feel great.  So that's it.  You can check out the details for the challenge here:
 

Weigh-In Day + 4.18 lbs

My weight this morning was 188.32 lbs. Which means I have gained 4.18 lbs this week.  That kinda stinks, huh?  I am not going to make excuses or rationalize.  We all know what happened, right?  What I am going to do is make a plan.  And actually stick to it.  I am glad to be working through a lot of my issues, but I want to keep focused on my weight loss efforts as well.

Bye for now,

Forgiveness and Weight Loss

I cannot let go of the past. Actually scratch that. I choose not to let go of the past.  I have done a lot of digging around inside of me. I have made a lot of progress. And I thought that I had moved on. By moved on I mean that I have accepted that what is in my past is done and over with, and that I know it only has as much power over me as I choose to give it.
I have moved on, for the most part. But there are still a few issues that I haven't gotten through or over yet.
I have some anger.
Who doesn't?
But I am tired of carrying it around with me. It is taking away too much of my energy. Energy that would be better spent on positive things, like achieving my goals.
I want to put it down, let it go, and walk away from it. Quickly :)
Most of my anger is directed at two people. One of those people is me and the other one is my mother. I am not even sure if the reasons for my anger are important. I know what it's all about.
I have made some progress.
I know that my mom did the best she could at the time. I also know that just because she didn't love me the way I wanted her to it doesn't mean she didn't love me. I get it. Well, the logical, rational part of me gets it. The emotional, irrational, angry part of me is still acting out like a child and being a sad little girl about it.
For the last little while I have been struggling a bit.
You may have noticed.  
Anyway, as I have been struggling along one word keeps popping up in my mind: forgive!
I have worked through forgiving in the past and it is definitely worth it. It has helped me to move forward and it has released a huge burden from me. I thought I was done, but for some reason I struggle with forgiving my mother and I struggle with forgiving myself.
I have been looking through some of my books and on the internet about this topic and I found a really good article about it here. In this article they give you some steps that can help you through the process.
I am definitely going to get started on this. I feel like it is time. I am ready to forgive and I am ready to move on.
I am sure this is the next step on my journey and I am excited to get this process going. It is like I can actually feel the physical weight of this burden that I am carrying around. I can almost taste the freedom that letting go brings with it.
It doesn't seem like a coincidence to me that I am stalled in my weight loss efforts right now.
This is a key, and I plan to use it. So for a little while I will be working this through and posting about the process.
That's it for today, I think it's a good start. 
If you have any ideas feel free to comment, I appreciate the help.

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day...

was yesterday, I know :)  I am here today, though, and I am posting my weight, even though I would rather ignore it.  But since I am no longer doing 'my little ostrich act' I am going to post it, deal with it, and move on.  My weight was up to 184.14 lbs.  So I gained .88 lbs last week.  As I type this I am aware that it is such a small number to freak out over.  It's actually pretty silly, I know.  But I am also aware that it isn't the number that freaks me out, it is what I do in my head.  The way I can twist any little setback around and turn it into a huge failure.  How I can turn me into a huge failure.  On the bright side, I am onto that sneaky little sabotager and her tricks are losing their effectiveness.  I see it happening.  I am going to spend more time reading my affirmations, I find it very helpful.  I am also going to just keep going on with the knowledge that I can, and will do this.  I am doing this.  So, anyway, moving on....

Freaking Out!!!

So, I am freaking out a little.  It happens.  Not so much lately, but still sometimes.  I hate it.  The freaking out.  I hate the way I feel right now.  I am all stressed out because tomorrow is weigh in day and I am up a tiny bit.  I watched myself messing up.  It was all Cara-approved screwing up.  I seriously watched myself do it.  So why freak out?  I know this sounds rambly, cause hey - freaking out here!!!  I think I should probably delete this post and ignore the crap swirling around in my head right now, but I figured I would start writing and see what comes up.  When I am not doing so great and my date with the scale is getting closer I sabotage myself.  I guess I have this all or nothing attitude.  Kind of like "hey I already screwed this up, let's see how bad I can make it." - argh!  I am starting to get really tired of it.  Really.  Really.  Tired.  I guess that means I have an issue, huh?  Well duh!  But how do I move past it?  I am really taking a look at my actions, lately.  Not strictly food related stuff, just all of my 'life stuff'.  I can see how I react to things and lately I have been able to stop and observe my emotions before I react.  It has been a huge eye opener.  Kind of like I am not on automatic pilot anymore.  Like I am waking up.  I like it, but still this crappy self-sabotage.  So frustrating!  I think that maybe I want to have a problem.  Who am I if I am not the fat girl?  If I am not invisible anymore?  If I can't hide behind my weight?  Right now I am so tired of all of my excuses.  Like, once again two parts of me are fighting it out.  Sensible, ready-to-be-the-best-possible-me, Cara is tired of waiting around for needy, whiny, always-has to-be-rescued, Cara to get her act together.  Tired of holding her hand and dragging her through all of this crap.  I seriously just want to kick her ass already!  Holy cow, I sound like I have a split personality.  Don't worry, I promise, I am not going to lose it or anything.  I think the anger may be okay.  It feels like I am just having a huge shift happening inside of me right now.  Is it just me?  If anyone is still reading at this point they probably think I am nuts.  I am feeling a bit better now though.  Writing is so helpful.  I guess I just needed to get that out.  Well I am going to head to bed and get a good nights sleep.  I will post my weight tomorrow and move forward.  I am really tired of sitting where I am, spinning my tires.  Something is going to change.  Not sure what yet, but I will figure it out.  On with the journey.  I think the freaking out portion of this post is over :)  Sooooooooooo....

Bye for now,

Sounds Like A Plan

I am doing really well with my exercise plan and that makes me happy. But, I know that I could definitely be doing better with my eating. It isn't really that I have been doing horribly, I am just feeling a bit out of control.  At the end of the day I'm like "Okay, what did I eat today?".  So I am going to get back into journaling. Every. Single. Thing. I. Eat. Seriously!!! I do not know why I continue to make this journey harder than it has to be. Oh wait, yes I do ;) I like to sabotage myself. You may remember, but if not I talked about it here, here, and here too :)  Well in an effort to make this journey as easy as possible I am going to use the tools that I know will work.  And keeping a food journal absolutely works.  I have started today and I already feel better.  I hate the out of control feeling, so I will get rid of it.  Easy, right Cara?  So just do it already :)  I am also planning on attacking that Evil Sugar Monster that is lurking inside of me.  I am not going to do anything drastic like give up sweets forever.  I applaud everyone who has done it, but at this point I just don't want to.  I figure if I am not giving it up forever, than why even bother?  I am just going to cut waaaaaaay back.  I did it before, so I know it can be done.  I started with my drinks last time.  Nothing but water or tea.  I didn't think I could manage when I began, but then it got to the point that I liked it.  My head was clearer, no more headaches, what's not to like?  Plus that is something I can definitely keep up.  I didn't even miss the other, sugary beverages.  After a while, anyway. So step one is keep up my food journal and step two is get drinking, water that is ;)  Two small steps, but I can already feel the momentum building.

Bye for now,

Guess What...

I had a pair of jeans on yesterday and I realized something. First of all they are bigger. All of them are getting baggy now. Yay me!!! But then I noticed that they were comfortable. That is unheard of!!! Or at least it has been in my world (aka Caraland), for a looooong time. I used to wear my jeans out and then, as soon as I was home, put on my p.j.'s comfy pants. Last night I realized I still had my jeans on and I wasn't even aware of it. Now that is progress ;) I seriously did a happy dance, my husband enjoyed that a lot! LOL! I have been doing really great with my workouts, btw. Haven't missed one yet, and it feels really good. That's it for today - just a short, silly post. Happy Friday!

Bye for now,


P.S. I am counting my happy dance as part of my workout today :)

Progress Pic :)

Hi again :)

I am just doing a quick post to put up my progress picture for my first 20 lbs lost. It is crappy quality. I am sure I mentioned before that my computer and camera are no longer on speaking terms? Well, anyway, that means I have to print, then scan, then post. Which means for now I have crappy quality. I cannot notice a difference in my pics. But, oh well! I am posting it anyway:)

Before:



20 lbs lost:


Bye for now,



P.S. I am joining the Fat to Fit Blog Hop again. It is hosted by Lucy @ Diminishing Lucy and I found a lot of other really great blogs last time I linked up :)

Weigh-In Day

So, it is Tuesday again, and that means weigh in day, as usual. I am not at all surprised to post that I haven't seen a change this week. At all. I am at exactly the same weight as last week. 183.26 lbs.
You may be surprised that I am not unhappy about this though. I feel good. I feel like I am getting my act together. I feel like I am really doing this. I am reclaiming myself. This is the most weight I have ever lost. Usually I get down to 13-15 lbs. lost and then gain it all back as soon as someone comments on the change.
It used to freak me out when people noticed. I wanted to be invisible, I guess. Now I just want to be me. It doesn't matter what other people say, I am on my way. I am doing this for me. I am so happy that I am not creeping upwards on the scale. But even it that happens, I will work it out.
It just feels like it is my time. I am going to do this. No. Matter. What. I know it. So if the scale is stuck at this number for a while, who cares??? I feel good and I am moving ahead, even if the numbers aren't moving this week. When I have lost all of this weight, I expect to keep it off. So I am taking the time to learn, and grow.
Well that was definitely a lot of typing to say something as simple as 'maintain' :) Oh well! I am feeling good today. I have decided that when I am down another 5 lbs. - well 25 lbs. total lost - that my husband and I are going on a bowling date. Cheesy? Yes! But it will be fun.
I just calculated my B.M.I. and I need to lose like 0.56 lbs. to be considered overweight. That is exciting!!! No longer obese! Wow!!! I can't wait :)
Anyway that's it for now. I did my 1/2 hour on the Wii and 30 crunches.

Bye for now,

Working Out

Hi!

Just a quick post today to say that I worked out this morning. It feels so good to be back at it again. I have been keeping active everyday. Taking walks - at least one a day, playing outside with the kids, just moving, which has been really good. But an actual workout was so nice. Weird huh? I never thought I would say those words. This morning was the first day of my No Excuse Workout Plan. I did my 1/2 hour on the Wii, then my weights and then 30 crunches. I am sure I will still get out for a walk today, my son (17 mos.) will just keep bringing my shoes to me until we get out there :) Hope your Monday is fabulous!

Bye for now,

Finding Balance

In the spirit of being honest, I have to admit to something.
I have not been exercising!
At all!
Since I finished my personal challenge about 3 weeks ago. Yikes!!! I know.
I was taking some time to "be kind to myself" and "working on my emotional junk". I talked about it here a little. Anyway that was a great idea. I really did, and do need to work on being kinder to myself and dealing with emotional stuff - but not at the expense of everything else!!! So that is where balance comes in.
I have been working so much on the internal stuff that my healthy eating, and exercising have gotten pushed aside. I haven't been doing horribly. I did fine with my eating and I was active everyday, but not on plan at all.
I am really starting to feel a difference in my body because of this. Things are loosening up and even though I have lost weight I am pretty sure it is muscle.
So I obviously need to work on finding balance. I need to keep to a routine at all times, on good days and bad days. I have learned that exercise makes me feel 100 times better. Balance is not going to come when I quit working on one aspect of myself to face another. It will come as I learn to manage juggling all aspects.
If I do not do this I will just continue to go in circles. Since, as we already know, I have a tendency to be self-destructive, that is what I usually do. I can keep going back and forth, losing track of one area and beating myself up for it and then starting the whole cycle all over again. This is self-defeating, so I am putting a stop to it!!!
I am going to implement a new No Excuse Workout Routine. This is what I will stick to no matter what. That way I am on plan even when I am dealing with other junk.
So, it is fairly simple, and leaves room for other activities, but I think that just establishing a routine will stop the cycle. It is going to be 1/2 hour on the Wii Fit 5 days/week and weights on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Minimum!
I will start taking better notice of my food intake, but I haven't got a "plan" yet. I think this is a huge step. It should definitely help with the balancing act!
If you have any suggestions, please feel free to comment. I really appreciate the help.

Bye for now,

Tag :)

Hi :)

Sarah at My F.A.B. Challenge tagged me in a questions game! It looks fun so I will play along :)

Here are her questions and, of course, my answers:

1. If you had 3 wishes, what would one of them be?
I always wish for my family to be happy, no matter what. So I guess that one was easy to answer :)

2. What is your ultimate goal, at this point and time?
My ultimate goal right now is to be the best version of me that I can possibly be.

3. Do you know what your Pace time is? If you do, what is it?
OK, if you mean running then I do not know. Seriously!!! The last thing I ran was a fever ;)
I plan to change this though, so I can keep ya posted!

4. What's your favorite season and why?
Fall, because it is beautiful and it smells fabulous outside and I love the weather.

5. If you could have any piece of workout equipment (free to you), what would you want?
I would have a brand new elliptical trainer like the ones at the gym, then I wouldn't have to use the torture device I currently enjoy ;)

6. Do you have a "bucket list"? If you do, what's one of the things on it (if you don't mind sharing)?
I would love to go to Ireland with my husband.

7. If you had a free UNLIMITED shopping spree at any store, what store would you go to?
I don't know, I don't really like to shop. Hmmmmm - I guess I would save it until I reach my goal and find a really cool clothing store. Or - because I am so sensible :) - I would use it at the grocery store.

8. Who is your biggest support in your life?
My husband is so super-supportive, he listens to me and is always just there for me.

So now I guess I am supposed to ask 8 questions. I am going to be completely un-original and steal some of the ones I read on other blogs, a few I came up with on my own though. So here goes:

1. What is your favourite colour?

2. Where would you live if you could live anywhere?

3.What is your favourite thing about blogging?

4. Who is your biggest supporter in your life?

5. What is your favourite season?

6. What is your favourite thing about yourself?

7. If you were a superhero what super power would you have?

8. What is your favourite food?

And I am supposed to pass this on to other people so I guess I will choose...

Sarah at My F.A.B. Challenge
Sandy at Sandy's Search for her Inner-Skinny!
Floriana at Sugarless Diet
Mel at Junkin' Junky

I would love to see your answers too, if you are interested in playing along :)

Bye for now,

Deserving

I have really been struggling through the process of writing this post. The amount of struggle tells me I am onto something big and I am both scared, and excited to get the process started.
I am aware, and have been for quite a while now, that I am pretty self destructive.
Maybe all of us are.
But I am really conscious of it now, and I think know that is a good thing. After all how can I change something if I do not recognize it?
I have struggled with feelings of hate and they have brought me to where I am today.
I choose to love myself. But sometimes, still, those feelings of self-loathing will come out and cause me to derail myself. Or self-destruct. I know that I am doing this to myself and I am finally starting to figure out why.
It is a matter of deserving. I, on some level, have always believed that I do not deserve to be happy. I deserve to have bad things happen to me. I deserve to be uncomfortable, unhealthy, unloved, etc. The list goes on and on and on. I have found a lot of really creative and unpleasant ways to prove to myself again and again just how undeserving I am.
I know that this is not true, now, that I am not undeserving. At least on a conscious level I know this. But there is still a part of me, the self loathing, self-destructive part, that tries to defeat me.
I have been writing this post for a while now, and getting nowhere. I have so many words, but nothing seems sensible. It is as if I do not really want to break free of this. I am sure on some level that is true. So, for today, I will write what I have and see if it moves me forward.
I will work it through.
Little by little.
For as long as it takes.
I am fighting, for all of the good things inside of me. The bad stuff is not entirely ready to let go. But I am not giving up. Maybe if I keep shining a light on this stuff, I will find my way free. I know that it can happen, I have to keep going. It is worth a shot anyway.
This is definitely one of those uncomfortable things I was talking about before.
So.....back to deserving. I have lived my life with the attitude that I do not deserve to be happy. It is so obvious to me now. I have everything I ever wanted and I have not allowed myself to be entirely happy. Because obviously, if you are going to punish yourself, happiness is not allowed. I am not going to catalogue every way that I have denied myself happiness. I think that to do that is to dwell in the dark, and I am shining a light here :)
Please know that I am aware of these instances and not ignoring them, I am just not giving them any more power. I could write and write all of the things I deserved, but I think recognizing them is enough. If not I guess at a later date I can bore you with all of the details ;)
I think I will stop there for now and just get this out there once and for all.

I thought this affirmation was really fitting for today:

Just for today I will practice self-acceptance. The struggle ends with me. I choose to stop struggling. I deserve peace.

I already posted it here, but it works :)

Oh and this is where I found it in the first place!

Hope you have an awesome weekend!
Bye for now,

Unpacking or Finally Getting Real

Usually when I start writing a post, if I get at all uncomfortable with what I am trying to say I back off. I mean that when I start to get too deep into stuff about why I am the way I am or my actions or really too deep into anything at all 'too personal' I stop.
Sometimes I will save the post for 'later' (and delete it at that later time), usually I just delete the whole thing right then and there. I say I am waiting, but what for???
It all boils down to avoidance.
I have really been digging deeper into myself lately and I am slowly becoming more aware of my actions. I have noticed that whenever I dig up something that makes me feel at all uncomfortable I bury it again, as quickly as possible.
I am getting really tired of burying things.
The more I bury them the harder they are to find later. Burying all of this crap has led to burying myself, under guilt, under shame, under fat! I have been putting my head in the sand again and again and using excuses to rationalize my behaviour.
When it comes to my blog I use the rationale that I want this to be a 'place of positivity' and I don't want it to be all dark or depressing. But where else should I put my real feelings? This is one place where I want to be really real and honest with myself. That is, after all, why I started blogging in the first place. I am recording my journey and I want to do it accurately - potholes and all ;)
As I have been opening my eyes and becoming more aware I have been noticing a lot of things about myself. Usually, okay always, by this point I do my little ostrich act and avoid, avoid, avoid. But this time I am not giving in. I know that when I feel uncomfortable it is because I am onto something big. When I feel the urge to hide, I have begun to dig deeper.
So when I thought about my blog and all of those unfinished posts I finally realized that in order to move along I will have to deal with the uncomfortable.
It's like unpacking. Every time you open a box you decide what you want to keep and what to get rid of. There is probably a lot of good stuff that you know you want, but you have to look through it all and decide.
I am tired of closing boxes up without even glancing inside.
It is time to dig them all out and start tossing the crap.
I am scared, but it feels like it's time. I can't wait to see what other good stuff I will find :)
I have been having a lot of thoughts lately about what I feel that I deserve and how these beliefs have brought me to where I am right now. I am working it through and I will definitely post about it soon. Stay tuned :) This has been a really tough one for me, but it is one box that will not be closed...

Weigh-In Day

Happy Tuesday :) Today is weigh in day. I am happy to report that my sneaky sabotager (I don't care if this isn't a word, I am using it anyway :P) did not throw me off track. I am 183.26 lbs. this morning and so happy to be over that hump. I just realized yesterday that I am almost a third of the way through my journey. It feels really good to say that. In exactly 3.86 lbs. I will be there! I have a lot of emotional junk and drama and worries swirling around here right now and I am glad that I am not letting my health or happiness take a back seat to the stress. I am not sure how much of that junk I want to put out there, I may just leave it all out of my posts. But I am glad to note that I am finally putting myself first, and keeping me there. Life can be fabulous, if I don't get in my own way ;) I am finding more and more every day that I really do choose the life I want. I can actually do what I want, when I want and the world does not fall apart around me. People can manage their own drama, and I do not have to sucked into their toxic negativity! I am feeling a huge need to purge everything I do not absolutely need, want or love from my life and home. I am ready to feel free! I have had a taste of it and I want it all. Here at home things are really great, my husband and I are on the same page right now - I am going to enjoy this becase, really, how often does that happen? :) I usually get caught up in outside drama and this time we are not letting it infect our happiness. I am usually the fixer in the family (meaning with my mom and sisters), and I am giving up this role. I know that I chose to be that person before, but not anymore. Anyway I am getting rambly again so I will finish this post and get on with my day. I think I can hear the laundry calling - Joy!!!

Bye for now,

I Did It!!!

Hello and Happy Sunday :) I am just doing a quick post today to say - I did it!!!!! I have officially lost 20 lbs. Well 20.62, to be exact. I know that I have done it before, but I was stuck in this crazy mindset that it didn't really count unless it was on weigh in day. Weird, huh? So this time I am posting it and accepting it and moving forward. So, even though it is Sunday, and not Tuesday I am posting my weight. As of this morning I am at 183.48 lbs. I will not give that sneaky saboteur inside the chance to do her stuff. I am posting it and moving along, onto the next challenge :) I am really close to one of my personal goals which is to weigh 178 lbs. The only reason this is a mini goal is because I almost never used to weigh myself and so I have only two key weights I remember being at. One was 178 lbs. and it was when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and the other is 155 lbs., right before I got married. So for some strange reason I am excited about getting to 178 lbs., and then moving right past it of course :) Hey I just realized something, I have lost at least 10% of my initial weight. That is the first goal I set out to make. Yay for me, I almost let it sneak past without noticing it. That is awesome! Well now I am feeling really good, and I will say goodbye on that note! Hope great things are happening for you today :)

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day

Hello :) I am definitely in a better mood since my last "crappy" post, thank goodness! I am getting off of the self-pity bus and moving along. I have not been doing so great with my exercise or eating right now, but, if I am honest I know that it is because I am choosing not to do it right now. I am working on my emotional junk. I am not bingeing or anything, I am just letting it be for now and being kind to myself. I definitely have not found my happy medium yet, but that is what this journey is all about. I will find the balance. I feel good today, and really, what more could I ask for? Part of my problem is that I am too rigid. When I try something out, it is like I have set it in stone, and that is how I have to do it. That does not leave any room for trial and error, so obviously it doesn't work. I am moving ahead and the only definite I am going to place on myself is this: "I will definitely not give up on me!". I keep focusing on where I should be, or how I should be doing and I should really just delete that word from my vocabulary. I am going to be happy with my progress so far, because if I think about it I have been sticking with this since April 13th, and for me that is amazing. I am doing it, all this garbage is bound to come up, and guess what - I am still doing it. Today is weigh in day and I am at 184.58 lbs. I have been thinking about weighing in less frequently to see if that will work better for me, but so far I am undecided, so we will see. For now I am feeling good and learning. This is a good day!

Bye for now,


P.S. I am going to try something new and join in on a Blog Hop. I am not sure if it against the rules to use a post from a few days ago - hope not. Well, here I go...


It sounds like a good idea :)

Frustrated and Other Crap

Hi. I have been meaning to get on for a while and post, but I haven't for two reasons. Reason #1 is that my computer is being a huge P.I.T.A. and reason #2 is that I am in a crappy place right now. Really crappy! I hate this!!! Why do I make it so hard? I am hoping it is almost over and really trying to move myself onto my happy place :) But it feels a bit like depression. Ugh! I am sure it must mean I am going to have a huge breakthrough or something, at least that is what the tiny bit of positive thinking I have left is telling me. In the past, whenever it gets really hard it means I am working through a huge thing. So if I keep it up I will learn something and grow, right? But I am tired. I hate the struggle today. I know I am being mopey and doing this to myself. I am aware. I just really feel like it is too much. I did weigh myself on Tuesday and woohoo I gained 1.54 lbs. I am up to 186.56 lbs. It is that t.o.m. so that could explain a few things, but even a small gain is enough to really bother me when I am in the place of crap. I think this all has something to do with 20 lbs. For some reason my mind has some kind of block set up. It keeps saying things like "you can't lose 20 lbs - you never have!" or "you don't have what it takes", plus a lot more crap. I can't seem to force myself over the 20 lb mark. I have even gotten up to 21 lbs lost (between my weekly weigh-ins), but I am always back below the 20 lb mark when my weigh in day comes around. I am doing it on purpose!!!! I am sabotaging myself! Crap! Crappity crap! If there happen to be any readers out there - sorry for the depressing stuff, and also for the excessive use of the word crap :) I am sure it will be over soon. I am still not giving up, I just feel like it. Not loving the journey this week, but I still know it is so worth it, so that is something. On a much better note, I had an amazing time with my husband when we went away. I wish we could go again right now. I am going to be a good friend to myself and work through this - even if I would rather just kick my own ass. Well I am off for now. I have some plans and ideas running around in my head.

Bye for now,

2 Week Challenge - Day #13

Hello :)
Still hanging in there. Had a great day with family today. I haven't finished my workout yet, but I am just about to do it now. I have been doing really well, but last night when I was finishing up my workout I kept getting really dizzy. It was weird, kind of like the ground was moving out from under me. I would take a break for a few minutes but it kept happening. Weird!!! I wonder if maybe I consumed too much sugar or something? Or maybe I didn't eat enough? I can't think of anything I did differently. Well,anyway, before I let my hypochondria take over I better sign off and complete the workout :) Tomorrow is the last day of my challenge - WOOOO HOOOO!!! Then on Saturday we are off for a fabulously romantic time (even bigger WOOOO HOOOO!!!). I will be back tomorrow when I am finished my workout to announce that I did it! Happy Friday Eve :)

P.S. I am not really a hypochondriac, don't worry ;)

2 Week Challenge - Day #12

Hi. I am almost done my challenge. After today there are only two more days and then I am going away for the night with my husband. I am so excited. We never go away and we have been together for 15 years! I think it is about time that we had some alone time :) I am feeling kind of lazy today. I Did not want to drag myself out of bed at all. It is not a mystery why. I definitely did not get enough sleep last night. Maybe I should include an 'in bed by ten' rule in my next challenge. Actually that is a pretty good idea! I think I will commit to being in bed by ten o'clock from Sunday to Thursday night and do it for two weeks. I bet I will feel amazing! I did my whole workout last night and I am really proud of myself. I used to have this inner tape going on that would say "You don't have time to workout today, you are too busy, just make it up tomorrow". But of course "tomorrow" I would be overwhelmed with all I had to "catch up" on that I would never get to it. Yesterday I went out with my sister and the kids and didn't workout by the time I was starting to make dinner. My sister said "Oh well! It's just one day" and the old me would have listened to her. I was even trying to talk myself into skipping it. But I did my weights while dinner was cooking and I did my crunches whenever I had a few minutes and by the time the kids were in bed I just needed to do my 1 hour on the Wii fit. Then I ran out again to see my other sister and when I got home it was a little later than I expected and I once again tried to talk myself out of exercising. I really just wanted to relax and watch a dvd :) Then I decided that I could watch the dvd anytime and today was only here right now so just workout already. I did! I completed my whole workout yesterday, even the crunches I missed from the day before. And I did it on a crazy day, when before I just "wouldn't have the time". I am definitely my only obstacle. I am the only thing that can get in my way. When this two weeks is over and I have done everything I set out to do it is going to feel so good. I am committing to this. I am changing for me! It is so funny. I sometimes, like today, start writing a post and I feel lazy or disinterested or just not "into it" - exercising and being healthy or just getting motivated, I mean. But so many times by the end of my post I have given myself a pep talk and I am ready to do it all! Blogging is definitely the best thing I could have done for myself. I am being more supportive of myself and I am getting support from some really awesome people too! :) Well that is it for today. I think it will be a nice quiet day at home with the kids today, we'll see. Either way I will definitely get my workout in.

Bye for now,

2 Week Challenge - Day #11 and Weigh-In Day

Good morning :)

It's weigh in day again. I am still doing well on my challenge, but I forgot to do my crunches yesterday - Yikes! No big deal, I will just double up today. I was a little worried that the scale was going to be unkind today even though I am doing so well. I did not want to post the same weight again. But then I decided that I am placing too much importance on the numbers and not enough on the fact that I am doing awesome! Seriously, I am a Superstar!!! I was just about to put 'just kidding' but I'm not ;) I have been doing really well. I have proven once again to myself that I am my only obstacle. So anyway I was all prepared to have a crappy weigh in and be all fine with it, but then the scale was nice. I am down to 185.02 lbs. I lost 2.86 lbs. this week! I am happy with that, but it is kind of like icing on the cake because I am so happy about how well I am doing with my challenge. I am .09lbs away from a 20 lb. loss now. So close!!! I have almost lost 10% of my weight and I have 55 lbs. more to go. Today that doesn't sound so bad! I know that it is doable.

Today I will be using these affirmations:

-I am a creature of peace, courage, and joy
-I am comfortable, confident and at ease in all social situations
-I am filled with energy and vitality

I found them here, enjoy!

2 Week Challenge - Day #10

Day #10 and I am still doing it! It may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but to me it is huge. I am completing something, I am following through. I used to have a hard time with this. Maybe not in all areas of my life - but definitely in this area. Choosing to get healthy is not something I have done well in the past. I am so glad to be doing it now. I am almost done with this challenge, but it will not be the last one I do. I have almost finished all of my workout for today. Tomorrow is weigh in day so I will be back to post about that. I guess that's it for today.

Bye for now,

2 Week Challenge - Day #9

Hello :) Today is day #9 and I am doing awesome!!! I feel really good right now. I think I am going to keep challenging myself after this two weeks is up - it is so good to have a plan every day. I know when I am done and I know that I have accomplished something. I can do more, but I don't have to. It has really worked well for me. Helped me get into it again. I will probably keep up with the 1 hr. on the Wii every day, and definitely the crunches. Actually I guess I could keep up with all of it, it really isn't all that much after all. Every time I feel like quitting I notice something else that keeps me going. For instance, this morning I felt my shoulders and I could feel the bones. Now I sound like a weirdo, no? I mean that I can feel my shoulders more, they are coming out of hiding, I know they are ;) Woooo Hoooo!!! So far today I have completed 1/2 of my Wii workout and I have been on track food-wise. I will finish the rest of my workout sometime. My daughter is having a sleepover, so I may have to do it tonight. Having two 9 year old girls critique my workout form is not my idea of a good time. But I will do it. Well that's all for now.

I found these affirmations today:

-I am worthy of love and abundance
-I am in control of my life and destiny
-I am at peace with my true self

I found them here.

Bye for now,

2 Week Challenge - Day #8

Hello :) I almost thought I wasn't going to make it. It's a little later than usual for my post, but I made it. I actually just finished my workout. Yesterday I was feeling so into it, and then today I am having to force myself again. Whatever! I will keep it up anyway. I know that I am making progress. I can handle off days. They aren't all going to be easy after all. Some days are going to be really hard and I am going to have to push myself. But I will do it. I will keep remembering that "Self discipline is remembering what you really want". I really want to be healthy, I really want to be alive! I had to push myself, but I did it. My eating was a little off today, but I am okay with it. I did my whole workout - Yay!!! So I am off to bed. I'll be back tomorrow. I did notice that, even though I had to push myself to get up and workout, as soon as I turned the Wii on I felt relieved. It was like I had been fighting a battle with myself and I was so happy with the outcome. That is how I know that I am making progress.

Goodnight everyone,

2 Week Challenge - Day #7

Happy Friday everyone :) I am feeling a little bit fabulous today, and I am so very glad! I am so happy that I have been keeping up with my workouts and healthy eating plan. It has reinforced that I can do it, even if I don't feel like it. I noticed last night when I was doing my crunches (60/day for my challenge - remember??) that I can feel my stomach muscles!!!! Lately I have been getting off track because I was feeling unmotivated and maybe I was waiting for that feeling to come back. It was so silly of me. I need to choose to be motivated and I have to choose to do the best things for myself. This challenge has already been a gift to me. I have reinforced that I can bring that feeling of motivation and excitement back by just doing it!!! By exercising and eating healthier, even when I didn't feel like it, I am starting to feel great again. I am being motivated because I really like how I feel when I take care of myself! Every once in a while, when I am not getting "rewarded" (things like having someone notice, or the scale being nice) I slip back into bad behaviors. This challenge has gotten me into it again. I am feeling rewarded from my own hard work and I know I am in charge of how amazing I feel. It is a good thing I haven't given myself a time limit this time :) I will get there when I am ready. I am tired of this self-imposed prison sentence. I am ready to be free. It isn't even only the weight. It is my attitude. Or, I should say, it is mostly my attitude. I had this feeling for the longest time that life would begin when I got to my goal. I was so wrong. Life is happening all around me, and I just have to live it. I can be involved or not, I am the only one putting restrictions on me. I have been choosing to live lately and it is so nice. I am not all the way there for sure, but I really feel like this time I am headed in the right direction. I really recommend challenging yourself, it has been a huge eye opener for me. It has reinforced what I already know and also given me a bigger sense of control over my future. I can and will create the life I want. I am doing it every day and I am loving it. Hopefully I am out of my slump for a while, but even if I feel slumpy again:) - I will keep on going. Because it is so worth it and I am too!

I am sticking with yesterday's affirmation for today, it's a good one :) But if you would really like to be inspired go and check out the newest post at 266 - it is amazing and so inspiring!

Bye for now

2 Week Challenge - Day #6

Today is day six of my personal challenge and I am still not feeling it. I know that this is just a step I have to get through and I also know if I pay attention I will learn something and be able to move ahead with that knowledge. But I am not in that place right now. Apparently I am in a place of mopey-ness and irritability and I really just feel like giving up. Oh well! Whoever said this journey was going to be easy? I never thought it would be, but I know that it is worth it. So, even though I am not "feeling it" I am going to workout and I am going to make better food choices. I love myself enough to do what I really need to right now. I am not gonna lie, with my crappy attitude, it is kind of sucking - but I am sure tomorrow will be better. Plus, even negative Cara cannot deny that exercising just feels better! I have completed half of my Wii workout and I will do the rest this afternoon. My food is on plan.
I was looking around for a fresh affirmation today and found this one on Secrets of A Weight Loss Master under meditations:

Just for today I will practice self-acceptance. The struggle ends with me. I choose to stop struggling. I deserve peace.

I guess it was just what I needed today, I like this one a lot!
Anyway I am off to reclaim my positive attitude, hope everyone is having an awesome day :)

Bye for now,

2 Week Challenge - Day #5

Hi, just a quick post today. I am doing well, could be better :) I got in late last night and didn't finish my final 1/2 hour on the Wii. So instead of doing what I used to do - skip it completely and let it get me off track - I just added an extra 1/2 hour to today's workout. Simple! I reused the affirmations from the last few posts again today. I am still not feeling as "in the game" as I would like, but I am doing it anyway. Well, I guess that is all for tonight.

Bye for now,

2 Week Challenge - Day #4 and Weigh-In Day

Hi! Today is weigh in day and also day #4 of my challenge. I think that I am doing really great on the challenge. If I could criticize anything it would be the fact that I am putting too much energy into worrying about the number on the scale. It never feels as easy or as enjoyable when I make it all about the numbers. Is it that way for you? So today I weighed in, and I know that I have been so back-on-track! But the scale said 187.88 lbs. Hmmmmmm. I don't really like that. It kind of stinks. But, I know that I am doing really well, remember? So the number isn't mattering quite so much today. I think I am going to take a break from the scale and just check it once a week on Weigh-in Day. I am not going to lie, I did think about editing the numbers a bit for this post, but it was a fleeting thought. I seem to be moving forward despite all my best efforts :) I am doing this and I am feeling great. I am sure next weeks numbers will be a lot better though. I mean it is still a little bit about the numbers ;) I have finished half of my Wii workout already today and yesterday I completed everything - even though I really didn't want to. No excuses, remember? Anyway that is it for today. I still plan on celebrating 20 lbs. soon!

I will be using this affirmation today:

- I am my own unique self - special, creative and wonderful

I think that one is enough for today :) I found it on this site.

Bye for now,

2 Week Challenge - Day #3

Hey, it's day #3 of my challenge, and I am doing great. I feel so much better when I am exercising. It is crazy. I am doing really well. My food has been on plan, except for two granola bars ;), but I am happy with my progress. It feels good to be focusing on myself again. Life is a lot nicer when I take the time to treat myself right. I have also noticed that everyone around here is happier when I am in a good place. I hate all these obstacles that I keep creating for myself. I feel like such a Drama Queen sometimes :) Anyway, I am doing awesome right now, so I will not dwell. I have done 1/2 of my time on the Wii today and I still need to do my crunches and weights. The good thing about this challenge is that I am not being so restrictive about when I exercise. If I can squeeze ten minutes in I will do it, and as long as I am done when I go to bed it is all good. It makes me feel good, because once I have finished the stuff on my list I have a sense of accomplishment. It is nice! I am going to go and have lunch and I think we are going to go shopping this afternoon so I will be back tomorrow :)

I will be using these affirmations today:

- I am on the road to health and fitness.
- I am at peace with my true self.
- I can achieve anything that I put my mind to.

I found them on this site.

Bye for now,

2 Week Challenge - Day #2

Yesterday was awesome! I was 100%, completely, on track. We watched a movie and I made popcorn. I am not ruling anything out right now, just making better choices, so popcorn is okay. I had some, but I filled a small bowl from my husband's ginormous one (seriously?! ginormous is in the dictionary? - huh). Anyway I ate my bowl, and that was it. I had noticed on Wednesday and Thursday and Friday and Saturday that the scale was creeping upwards. Yikes!!! I was sure Tuesday's weigh in was going to be another disaster. But today, after just one day on plan, it stopped. It not only stopped, it went down!!! I knew that this challenge was a great idea. I have already done my hour on the Wii today. I just need to get my crunches done. Now I can't wait until Tuesday. Yesterday when I got on the scale it said 187.44 lbs. That is a gain of 2.64 lbs. in like four days! How is that even possible!?!? Salt, or something, maybe? Whatever - ewwww! This morning made me hopeful again, and it showed me that every little step in the right direction makes a huge difference. I can do this. I really know I can! Now I am just waiting for my after.

I am adding this song just because I love it today :)



I will be using these affirmations today:

- I love the feeling of making progress.
- I enjoy being healthy.
- I'm feeling happy today.

I found them on this site. They are pretty simple but they felt right today. I also found this quote on someone's facebook page this morning and it fit my feelings today exactly:

"When we feel stuck, going nowhere even -- even starting to slip backward -- we may actually be backing up to get a running start." ~ Dan Millman

Bye for now,