Hiding

I read a very interesting post by Amy on Once Upon A Time...In the Land of Cheese and Sunkist and it definitely got me thinking about the things I hide behind. I actually thought this was pretty funny because I posted about hiding on my other blog in February and that post seems really relevant now. Here is my post, I really think it answers the question of how I hide pretty well:

I feel like I am opening my eyes, for the first time in a long while. It is sometimes almost too bright and the change is a little scary, but I am ready to stop hiding.
If you have been reading along you may have noticed that I am not a huge fan of change. I resist, I make excuses and I hide. I have been aware of this for a while and I have been moving along with this awareness. Often, it seems, at a snails pace :) Sometimes it seems especially hard, and I am sure that at these times I am making the most progress.
I am really amazed at how many different ways I have found to hide over the years. Things I thought I did just for enjoyment, that were really ways to hide out :)
For example, I LOVE to read. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you. Books are great, but I have definitely been using them as a way to hide from or avoid unpleasantness. OK, if I am completely honest, I have to say I have also used them to avoid change in any way! There are other ways that I have hidden, I am after all very creative :)
But I have to say one of the most self-destructive ways I chose to hide was by gaining weight. This probably doesn't make sense to you, or maybe it does, but by gaining weight I have hidden myself very effectively. It is almost like the more weight I gain the less I can see me. The less I AM me! I am inside somewhere, but I am hidden. In many ways this has really been working for me, avoider (yes I know that isn't really a word) that I am :) But now that I am opening my eyes and looking around I see that I don't want to let this go on.
Usually at this point I stop and close my eyes again. Because change is hard and I really don't like it. But lately I have been letting my true self out more and I find that I really like her, A LOT! Way more than I like this other person I have let myself become.
So change will be necessary it seems.
I was looking at a website recently called Secrets Of A Weight Loss Master and it really made a lot of sense to me. Especially when I read that "The secret to permanent weight loss is to remember and recover who you really are." So on my Journey of change today I thought I would work on using a few of the Affirmations I found there. Here they are if you would like to use them yourself:

• Just for today I will practice self-acceptance. The struggle ends with me. I choose to stop struggling. I deserve peace.

• Joy is my natural state. I will begin to act from my center and tap into the joy that is mine.

• I let go easily of the things that no longer serve me. Life is a series of endings and new beginnings. I surrender the old, so that I may receive the new.

Happy thoughts to you :)

Oh, and, how do you hide?

I am still going to work on this because I know it will be good for me to dig a little deeper, but I think this is a good beginning :) I am so glad I decided to blog my weight-loss. I am already so inspired by all the wonderful blogs I have found and I just know that I am going to make it this time. I am really working on my whole self and I thank you all for making me look into myself more!

Weigh-In Day

So, it is Tuesday again. And that means weigh-in day. I have been a little worried that I wasn't losing and I have been a bit hard on myself, but I shouldn't have been. I didn't lose as much as I did last time, (and I didn't expect to) but I lost! So that is good. Really good!!! I definitely have to remember to stop worrying so much about a number and concentrate on how I am really doing. So, for the record, I am down to 197.12. But more importantly I am doing AMAZING!!! I am holding myself accountable, I am eating way better, and I am doing some sort of physical activity every day. I am being kinder to myself and I am learning to accept myself. Today I am proud of me and I am going to go with that feeling. So often I spend so much time putting myself down and I forget to see the great things I am accomplishing. I am learning to love myself and I know now that this is the key to losing this weight permanently. I hope everyone is having an awesome day - it is so sunny and bright here today.

Happy Tuesday!!!

Success!!!

I am so happy that I have been doing really well all around this week. I am eating a lot better and I am also consistently exercising. I have been doing a minimum of thirty minutes on the Wii Fit Plus every day. I really like it because is fun and I feel really good when I am finished. Plus I am happy that I am sticking with it, and that makes me want to try other things too :)
Today I thought that I would make sure to do some sit ups. I have been working my arms and doing cardio, but since baby #2 I am less-than-happy with my tummy. Soooooo, sit ups sounded like a good idea. You may wonder why I am writing about this though. It is basically because I want to be able to look back on days when I think I am doing terribly and remember how I started out. I am sure one day in the very near future the fact that I only managed 20 sit ups today will make me feel better. I don't feel too badly about it though. I mean it was HARD (really, super, do-I-even-have-stomache-muscles hard) and I can't wait until it isn't, but I did 20 sit ups with a one year old climbing all over me.

I am going to count this one as a success :)

Weigh-In Day

I am feeling really great. I am so much more aware of my whole body - already!!! I usually get to this point and then I start feeling too cocky or something and everything falls apart. I am watchful right now, looking ahead for those traps that usually trip me up on this familiar journey. I refuse to be sidetracked. There are no excuses this time, I am ready to LIVE my life. I have been reading a few blogs out there and I am SO inspired. It feels like there is a whole community of friends out there who I can look to for support when I am having a tough time. I officially started tracking this weight loss endeavor :) last Tuesday, April 13th. So my official start weight was 204.1 lbs. and my B.M.I. was 34.01. I have been weighing myself each day because I am using Wii fit plus, but I am only going to keep track of my weekly weight here. So since today is officially one week I can log my new weight, it is 198.2 lbs. and my B.M.I. is 33.09. I am sure that it must be water weight, and that I cannot really expect to see a loss like this again, but WOW!!! It was really nice to see the number actually getting smaller. I have taken a before picture and I plan to post it as soon as my computer and camera decide to play nice again or whenever I remember to print it out, so soon-ish :) I am planning on taking pics every ten pounds along the way, is this too many?? Okay, well I am off to begin another fabulous week.

Happy Tuesday everyone :)

Hello

I am actually doing it..... I am going to start a weight loss blog. OMGoodness!!!
I have been "meaning" to do this forever. But, of course, it is a HUGE step out of my comfort zone. I mean, I do not like to even think about my weight, so writing about it is a bit of a stretch. The thing is, I think being in denial about my weight is THE reason I have weight issues in the first place. I know, DUH!!!, right? Anyway so for the last little while I have been working some of my eating and exercise issues out. The main issues with eating and exercise are that:
a) I don't want to think about what I eat before I eat it (that might take the enjoyment out of it)
and
b) I don't want to exercise (whining)
So of course by working them out I mean that I stopped whining and I opened my eyes. I am getting into a pretty regular exercise routine, which I WILL keep up! And I am eating waaaaaay better. Sooooooo I will blog about this journey and it's success :)

That's it for now. I just really wanted to get something down before I could second guess myself again. Here is to the beginning of another journey. I cannot wait to reach destination ME!!!!

Oh and I guess if I am blogging my weight loss we need a starting weight: 199 lbs.