Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Weigh-In Day

Hello :) I am definitely in a better mood since my last "crappy" post, thank goodness! I am getting off of the self-pity bus and moving along. I have not been doing so great with my exercise or eating right now, but, if I am honest I know that it is because I am choosing not to do it right now. I am working on my emotional junk. I am not bingeing or anything, I am just letting it be for now and being kind to myself. I definitely have not found my happy medium yet, but that is what this journey is all about. I will find the balance. I feel good today, and really, what more could I ask for? Part of my problem is that I am too rigid. When I try something out, it is like I have set it in stone, and that is how I have to do it. That does not leave any room for trial and error, so obviously it doesn't work. I am moving ahead and the only definite I am going to place on myself is this: "I will definitely not give up on me!". I keep focusing on where I should be, or how I should be doing and I should really just delete that word from my vocabulary. I am going to be happy with my progress so far, because if I think about it I have been sticking with this since April 13th, and for me that is amazing. I am doing it, all this garbage is bound to come up, and guess what - I am still doing it. Today is weigh in day and I am at 184.58 lbs. I have been thinking about weighing in less frequently to see if that will work better for me, but so far I am undecided, so we will see. For now I am feeling good and learning. This is a good day!

Bye for now,

P.S. I am going to try something new and join in on a Blog Hop. I am not sure if it against the rules to use a post from a few days ago - hope not. Well, here I go...

It sounds like a good idea :)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Frustrated and Other Crap

Hi. I have been meaning to get on for a while and post, but I haven't for two reasons. Reason #1 is that my computer is being a huge P.I.T.A. and reason #2 is that I am in a crappy place right now. Really crappy! I hate this!!! Why do I make it so hard? I am hoping it is almost over and really trying to move myself onto my happy place :) But it feels a bit like depression. Ugh! I am sure it must mean I am going to have a huge breakthrough or something, at least that is what the tiny bit of positive thinking I have left is telling me. In the past, whenever it gets really hard it means I am working through a huge thing. So if I keep it up I will learn something and grow, right? But I am tired. I hate the struggle today. I know I am being mopey and doing this to myself. I am aware. I just really feel like it is too much. I did weigh myself on Tuesday and woohoo I gained 1.54 lbs. I am up to 186.56 lbs. It is that t.o.m. so that could explain a few things, but even a small gain is enough to really bother me when I am in the place of crap. I think this all has something to do with 20 lbs. For some reason my mind has some kind of block set up. It keeps saying things like "you can't lose 20 lbs - you never have!" or "you don't have what it takes", plus a lot more crap. I can't seem to force myself over the 20 lb mark. I have even gotten up to 21 lbs lost (between my weekly weigh-ins), but I am always back below the 20 lb mark when my weigh in day comes around. I am doing it on purpose!!!! I am sabotaging myself! Crap! Crappity crap! If there happen to be any readers out there - sorry for the depressing stuff, and also for the excessive use of the word crap :) I am sure it will be over soon. I am still not giving up, I just feel like it. Not loving the journey this week, but I still know it is so worth it, so that is something. On a much better note, I had an amazing time with my husband when we went away. I wish we could go again right now. I am going to be a good friend to myself and work through this - even if I would rather just kick my own ass. Well I am off for now. I have some plans and ideas running around in my head.

Bye for now,

Thursday, August 19, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #13

Hello :)
Still hanging in there. Had a great day with family today. I haven't finished my workout yet, but I am just about to do it now. I have been doing really well, but last night when I was finishing up my workout I kept getting really dizzy. It was weird, kind of like the ground was moving out from under me. I would take a break for a few minutes but it kept happening. Weird!!! I wonder if maybe I consumed too much sugar or something? Or maybe I didn't eat enough? I can't think of anything I did differently. Well,anyway, before I let my hypochondria take over I better sign off and complete the workout :) Tomorrow is the last day of my challenge - WOOOO HOOOO!!! Then on Saturday we are off for a fabulously romantic time (even bigger WOOOO HOOOO!!!). I will be back tomorrow when I am finished my workout to announce that I did it! Happy Friday Eve :)

P.S. I am not really a hypochondriac, don't worry ;)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #12

Hi. I am almost done my challenge. After today there are only two more days and then I am going away for the night with my husband. I am so excited. We never go away and we have been together for 15 years! I think it is about time that we had some alone time :) I am feeling kind of lazy today. I Did not want to drag myself out of bed at all. It is not a mystery why. I definitely did not get enough sleep last night. Maybe I should include an 'in bed by ten' rule in my next challenge. Actually that is a pretty good idea! I think I will commit to being in bed by ten o'clock from Sunday to Thursday night and do it for two weeks. I bet I will feel amazing! I did my whole workout last night and I am really proud of myself. I used to have this inner tape going on that would say "You don't have time to workout today, you are too busy, just make it up tomorrow". But of course "tomorrow" I would be overwhelmed with all I had to "catch up" on that I would never get to it. Yesterday I went out with my sister and the kids and didn't workout by the time I was starting to make dinner. My sister said "Oh well! It's just one day" and the old me would have listened to her. I was even trying to talk myself into skipping it. But I did my weights while dinner was cooking and I did my crunches whenever I had a few minutes and by the time the kids were in bed I just needed to do my 1 hour on the Wii fit. Then I ran out again to see my other sister and when I got home it was a little later than I expected and I once again tried to talk myself out of exercising. I really just wanted to relax and watch a dvd :) Then I decided that I could watch the dvd anytime and today was only here right now so just workout already. I did! I completed my whole workout yesterday, even the crunches I missed from the day before. And I did it on a crazy day, when before I just "wouldn't have the time". I am definitely my only obstacle. I am the only thing that can get in my way. When this two weeks is over and I have done everything I set out to do it is going to feel so good. I am committing to this. I am changing for me! It is so funny. I sometimes, like today, start writing a post and I feel lazy or disinterested or just not "into it" - exercising and being healthy or just getting motivated, I mean. But so many times by the end of my post I have given myself a pep talk and I am ready to do it all! Blogging is definitely the best thing I could have done for myself. I am being more supportive of myself and I am getting support from some really awesome people too! :) Well that is it for today. I think it will be a nice quiet day at home with the kids today, we'll see. Either way I will definitely get my workout in.

Bye for now,

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #11 and Weigh-In Day

Good morning :)

It's weigh in day again. I am still doing well on my challenge, but I forgot to do my crunches yesterday - Yikes! No big deal, I will just double up today. I was a little worried that the scale was going to be unkind today even though I am doing so well. I did not want to post the same weight again. But then I decided that I am placing too much importance on the numbers and not enough on the fact that I am doing awesome! Seriously, I am a Superstar!!! I was just about to put 'just kidding' but I'm not ;) I have been doing really well. I have proven once again to myself that I am my only obstacle. So anyway I was all prepared to have a crappy weigh in and be all fine with it, but then the scale was nice. I am down to 185.02 lbs. I lost 2.86 lbs. this week! I am happy with that, but it is kind of like icing on the cake because I am so happy about how well I am doing with my challenge. I am .09lbs away from a 20 lb. loss now. So close!!! I have almost lost 10% of my weight and I have 55 lbs. more to go. Today that doesn't sound so bad! I know that it is doable.

Today I will be using these affirmations:

-I am a creature of peace, courage, and joy
-I am comfortable, confident and at ease in all social situations
-I am filled with energy and vitality

I found them here, enjoy!

Monday, August 16, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #10

Day #10 and I am still doing it! It may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but to me it is huge. I am completing something, I am following through. I used to have a hard time with this. Maybe not in all areas of my life - but definitely in this area. Choosing to get healthy is not something I have done well in the past. I am so glad to be doing it now. I am almost done with this challenge, but it will not be the last one I do. I have almost finished all of my workout for today. Tomorrow is weigh in day so I will be back to post about that. I guess that's it for today.

Bye for now,

Sunday, August 15, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #9

Hello :) Today is day #9 and I am doing awesome!!! I feel really good right now. I think I am going to keep challenging myself after this two weeks is up - it is so good to have a plan every day. I know when I am done and I know that I have accomplished something. I can do more, but I don't have to. It has really worked well for me. Helped me get into it again. I will probably keep up with the 1 hr. on the Wii every day, and definitely the crunches. Actually I guess I could keep up with all of it, it really isn't all that much after all. Every time I feel like quitting I notice something else that keeps me going. For instance, this morning I felt my shoulders and I could feel the bones. Now I sound like a weirdo, no? I mean that I can feel my shoulders more, they are coming out of hiding, I know they are ;) Woooo Hoooo!!! So far today I have completed 1/2 of my Wii workout and I have been on track food-wise. I will finish the rest of my workout sometime. My daughter is having a sleepover, so I may have to do it tonight. Having two 9 year old girls critique my workout form is not my idea of a good time. But I will do it. Well that's all for now.

I found these affirmations today:

-I am worthy of love and abundance
-I am in control of my life and destiny
-I am at peace with my true self

I found them here.

Bye for now,

Saturday, August 14, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #8

Hello :) I almost thought I wasn't going to make it. It's a little later than usual for my post, but I made it. I actually just finished my workout. Yesterday I was feeling so into it, and then today I am having to force myself again. Whatever! I will keep it up anyway. I know that I am making progress. I can handle off days. They aren't all going to be easy after all. Some days are going to be really hard and I am going to have to push myself. But I will do it. I will keep remembering that "Self discipline is remembering what you really want". I really want to be healthy, I really want to be alive! I had to push myself, but I did it. My eating was a little off today, but I am okay with it. I did my whole workout - Yay!!! So I am off to bed. I'll be back tomorrow. I did notice that, even though I had to push myself to get up and workout, as soon as I turned the Wii on I felt relieved. It was like I had been fighting a battle with myself and I was so happy with the outcome. That is how I know that I am making progress.

Goodnight everyone,

Friday, August 13, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #7

Happy Friday everyone :) I am feeling a little bit fabulous today, and I am so very glad! I am so happy that I have been keeping up with my workouts and healthy eating plan. It has reinforced that I can do it, even if I don't feel like it. I noticed last night when I was doing my crunches (60/day for my challenge - remember??) that I can feel my stomach muscles!!!! Lately I have been getting off track because I was feeling unmotivated and maybe I was waiting for that feeling to come back. It was so silly of me. I need to choose to be motivated and I have to choose to do the best things for myself. This challenge has already been a gift to me. I have reinforced that I can bring that feeling of motivation and excitement back by just doing it!!! By exercising and eating healthier, even when I didn't feel like it, I am starting to feel great again. I am being motivated because I really like how I feel when I take care of myself! Every once in a while, when I am not getting "rewarded" (things like having someone notice, or the scale being nice) I slip back into bad behaviors. This challenge has gotten me into it again. I am feeling rewarded from my own hard work and I know I am in charge of how amazing I feel. It is a good thing I haven't given myself a time limit this time :) I will get there when I am ready. I am tired of this self-imposed prison sentence. I am ready to be free. It isn't even only the weight. It is my attitude. Or, I should say, it is mostly my attitude. I had this feeling for the longest time that life would begin when I got to my goal. I was so wrong. Life is happening all around me, and I just have to live it. I can be involved or not, I am the only one putting restrictions on me. I have been choosing to live lately and it is so nice. I am not all the way there for sure, but I really feel like this time I am headed in the right direction. I really recommend challenging yourself, it has been a huge eye opener for me. It has reinforced what I already know and also given me a bigger sense of control over my future. I can and will create the life I want. I am doing it every day and I am loving it. Hopefully I am out of my slump for a while, but even if I feel slumpy again:) - I will keep on going. Because it is so worth it and I am too!

I am sticking with yesterday's affirmation for today, it's a good one :) But if you would really like to be inspired go and check out the newest post at 266 - it is amazing and so inspiring!

Bye for now

Thursday, August 12, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #6

Today is day six of my personal challenge and I am still not feeling it. I know that this is just a step I have to get through and I also know if I pay attention I will learn something and be able to move ahead with that knowledge. But I am not in that place right now. Apparently I am in a place of mopey-ness and irritability and I really just feel like giving up. Oh well! Whoever said this journey was going to be easy? I never thought it would be, but I know that it is worth it. So, even though I am not "feeling it" I am going to workout and I am going to make better food choices. I love myself enough to do what I really need to right now. I am not gonna lie, with my crappy attitude, it is kind of sucking - but I am sure tomorrow will be better. Plus, even negative Cara cannot deny that exercising just feels better! I have completed half of my Wii workout and I will do the rest this afternoon. My food is on plan.
I was looking around for a fresh affirmation today and found this one on Secrets of A Weight Loss Master under meditations:

Just for today I will practice self-acceptance. The struggle ends with me. I choose to stop struggling. I deserve peace.

I guess it was just what I needed today, I like this one a lot!
Anyway I am off to reclaim my positive attitude, hope everyone is having an awesome day :)

Bye for now,

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #5

Hi, just a quick post today. I am doing well, could be better :) I got in late last night and didn't finish my final 1/2 hour on the Wii. So instead of doing what I used to do - skip it completely and let it get me off track - I just added an extra 1/2 hour to today's workout. Simple! I reused the affirmations from the last few posts again today. I am still not feeling as "in the game" as I would like, but I am doing it anyway. Well, I guess that is all for tonight.

Bye for now,

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #4 and Weigh-In Day

Hi! Today is weigh in day and also day #4 of my challenge. I think that I am doing really great on the challenge. If I could criticize anything it would be the fact that I am putting too much energy into worrying about the number on the scale. It never feels as easy or as enjoyable when I make it all about the numbers. Is it that way for you? So today I weighed in, and I know that I have been so back-on-track! But the scale said 187.88 lbs. Hmmmmmm. I don't really like that. It kind of stinks. But, I know that I am doing really well, remember? So the number isn't mattering quite so much today. I think I am going to take a break from the scale and just check it once a week on Weigh-in Day. I am not going to lie, I did think about editing the numbers a bit for this post, but it was a fleeting thought. I seem to be moving forward despite all my best efforts :) I am doing this and I am feeling great. I am sure next weeks numbers will be a lot better though. I mean it is still a little bit about the numbers ;) I have finished half of my Wii workout already today and yesterday I completed everything - even though I really didn't want to. No excuses, remember? Anyway that is it for today. I still plan on celebrating 20 lbs. soon!

I will be using this affirmation today:

- I am my own unique self - special, creative and wonderful

I think that one is enough for today :) I found it on this site.

Bye for now,

Monday, August 9, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #3

Hey, it's day #3 of my challenge, and I am doing great. I feel so much better when I am exercising. It is crazy. I am doing really well. My food has been on plan, except for two granola bars ;), but I am happy with my progress. It feels good to be focusing on myself again. Life is a lot nicer when I take the time to treat myself right. I have also noticed that everyone around here is happier when I am in a good place. I hate all these obstacles that I keep creating for myself. I feel like such a Drama Queen sometimes :) Anyway, I am doing awesome right now, so I will not dwell. I have done 1/2 of my time on the Wii today and I still need to do my crunches and weights. The good thing about this challenge is that I am not being so restrictive about when I exercise. If I can squeeze ten minutes in I will do it, and as long as I am done when I go to bed it is all good. It makes me feel good, because once I have finished the stuff on my list I have a sense of accomplishment. It is nice! I am going to go and have lunch and I think we are going to go shopping this afternoon so I will be back tomorrow :)

I will be using these affirmations today:

- I am on the road to health and fitness.
- I am at peace with my true self.
- I can achieve anything that I put my mind to.

I found them on this site.

Bye for now,

Sunday, August 8, 2010

2 Week Challenge - Day #2

Yesterday was awesome! I was 100%, completely, on track. We watched a movie and I made popcorn. I am not ruling anything out right now, just making better choices, so popcorn is okay. I had some, but I filled a small bowl from my husband's ginormous one (seriously?! ginormous is in the dictionary? - huh). Anyway I ate my bowl, and that was it. I had noticed on Wednesday and Thursday and Friday and Saturday that the scale was creeping upwards. Yikes!!! I was sure Tuesday's weigh in was going to be another disaster. But today, after just one day on plan, it stopped. It not only stopped, it went down!!! I knew that this challenge was a great idea. I have already done my hour on the Wii today. I just need to get my crunches done. Now I can't wait until Tuesday. Yesterday when I got on the scale it said 187.44 lbs. That is a gain of 2.64 lbs. in like four days! How is that even possible!?!? Salt, or something, maybe? Whatever - ewwww! This morning made me hopeful again, and it showed me that every little step in the right direction makes a huge difference. I can do this. I really know I can! Now I am just waiting for my after.

I am adding this song just because I love it today :)

I will be using these affirmations today:

- I love the feeling of making progress.
- I enjoy being healthy.
- I'm feeling happy today.

I found them on this site. They are pretty simple but they felt right today. I also found this quote on someone's facebook page this morning and it fit my feelings today exactly:

"When we feel stuck, going nowhere even -- even starting to slip backward -- we may actually be backing up to get a running start." ~ Dan Millman

Bye for now,

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Weigh-In Day...

...was on Tuesday, as usual, but I didn't do a post. You may have noticed. I know that Mel did- thanks for checking on me, btw :) There is no change, I am in a slump - and I hate it. I really do. I am so ready to be back on track. I know that I am choosing to be slumpy ;) - the dictionary hates me right now!!! So I am officially getting over it. I am going away for the night with my husband on the 21st. We really deserve the mini-vacation, and I cannot wait. So, I figured that I have two weeks until then to give it my all. I am calling it my "New Attitude Challenge" or maybe the "Just Do It Already Challenge". Whatever, basically I have a plan and I am doing it - NO EXCUSES!!! Hey that's a good name - "The No Excuses Challenge". So, anyway, I am committing to one hour a day of Wii fit, 60 crunches a day and weights every other day. Food-wise I will be 100% on plan. I wrote up my meal plan for the days leading up to our escape mini-vacation and I am sticking-to-it. I have been doing awesome today, Yay me! I am also going to be using affirmations and meditation to keep me focused and feeling fabulous. I am really tired of feeling like poo. Done! I am also drinking a set amount of water each day, 'cause it's on the plan - and there are no excuses remember??? So it's pretty simple - I just need to stick to it and then I will feel fabulous. With today being day 1 there are 14 days total to my personal challenge. I am planning to post each day of the challenge and keep track of how awesome I am doing. Today's food was 100 % on plan and I did 1/2 hour so far on the Wii. I know I have to finish up the rest of my exercise and I will. I have to, that is the beauty of my "No Excuses Challenge" - or whatever it is called - I gotta do it! Tomorrow I will be back to tell you for sure that I did in fact finish it all up. Hope all is great with all my fellow bloggers!

Bye for now,