Two Week Challenge Day Three and Four - Redo Please :)

Whew! I have had the craziest couple of days. I logged off yesterday, ready to go and complete day three of my challenge, and then - CHAOS!!! Well it has seemed like it anyway. It started with my son falling in a box (yes, I said a box). Then my daughter threw up all over the living room floor, and it has been a roller coaster of fevers, vomiting, crankiness, worrying, and a doctor visit ever since. Yes, I know this is my 'No Excuse Challenge', and those were a lot of excuses, but I did not work out. I am just going to start day three again tomorrow and not freak out though.  I am a little cranky right now, actually a lot if I am honest, and I just want to go to bed.  I will probably read this tomorrow and realize that I wasn't coherent at all, but hey - I said I would post, so here I am :)  I could make a big deal out of this, like I used to, and give up or I can move on and just keep going.  I'll take choice number two.  So tomorrow I will post my day three, really :)  Thankfully both of my babies are feeling a little better right now.  My daughter is taking a little longer, but I am sure she will be much better tomorrow (fingers crossed)  I really hate when they get sick, I don't handle it too well :)  Well that's it for tonight.


Bye for now,

Two Week Challenge

Hello :)  Here are the details for my personal Two Week Challenge.  It is pretty simple.  I am committing to at least 30 minutes of Wii Fit Plus each day or I can do my 30 Day Shred DVD.  I will use my weights every other day and do at least 30 crunches per day. I am back to drinking only tea or water, I just like it better, and my food intake is pretty under control.  I am really excited to be half way to my goal weight and I want to keep the momentum going!  So for now I need to focus on exercise. For me starting is always the problem, so I find if I challenge myself and just get moving it all seems to flow from there.  My last challenge was a little stricter, but this time I just needed to get moving.  So far so good :)  I am on day three.  I haven't completed my workout yet, but yesterday and Monday I did about 45 minutes on the Wii.  So that's it!  Simple, just something to get me moving again.  Small steps work great!  I have been thinking about running though - YIKES!!!  Did I actually type that?  Anyway I am off to enjoy the day.  Yay the sun is shining :)  I'll be back tomorrow to post my progress.  Oh, that is part of it too, I will post each day of the challenge.


Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day/Half Way To Goal!!!

Hello! 
I am back on a Tuesday again, so it would seem that I am getting my junk together :) 
Yay! 
This morning's weigh in was quite a surprise for me.  You may have noticed that I have been struggling.  I have been really making this harder than it has to be, I am good at that ;) 
Anyway, because of the struggle - and the fact that I have had to keep stopping myself from overeating, I figured this would be a pretty scary week.  According to the scale anyway. 
But no, I guess I am finally pulling ahead a bit. 
My weigh in this morning was 166.76 lbs, so I have lost 1.98 lbs this week.   
Plus, I didn't realize this until I updated my ticker just now, I AM OFFICIALLY OVER HALF WAY TO MY GOAL!!!!!!!  Wooooo Hooooo!!! 
Sorry about the yelling ;)  I just got a little excited. 
So, for future reference:  "Cara, no matter how badly you are doing, no matter how much junk you have given into and no matter how much you want to give up - DON'T!!!  It is never too late to stop and choose better.  You had to do it over and over and over again the last couple of weeks, and it was hard, but it was doable.  You did it!  Keep doing it!  Oh and you are Awesome :)"
I never before thought I could stop myself in the middle of one of these downward spirals, but I did.  A lesson learned!  That is a good thing.
I started my own two week challenge yesterday.  I haven't posted it yet and usually that would be a good excuse not to start, but I am going to do it backwards this time :)  I did a really great workout, and it felt fabulous!  I will be back to post the details, today is day two. 

Gotta go for now, bye!

Weigh-In Day

Hello!  Today is Tuesday, and here I am again!  Two weeks in a row, wow :)  My weigh in this morning was less fantastic than I had hoped for, but I knew it was going to be a gain, so I am not surprised.  I am at 168.74 lbs.  It's not the number that I am worried about.  It is the fact that I can still get so caught up in my self destructive behaviours.  It is frustrating sometimes.  You may have noticed from my last post that I was feeling a bit frustrated :)  It doesn't happen too often any more, thankfully!  But when it does, it is awful.  I am feeling really good right now and I am ready to move forward.  I will be posting about my personal challenge soon.  I am feeling stuck and I am not going to settle for it.  I can sit here and wait until I feel motivated or I can move now!  Anyway that is all for now.  I'll be back soon to post about my challenge :)

Bye for now,

STOP!!!

I am having trouble right now.
I am annoyed just writing those words and I am so not in the mood to even talk about it.  I am angry!  Seriously, just completely tired of this merry go round.  I hate it!  A lot!
So, you may wonder why I am writing then.  I am writing because it crossed my mind earlier that I could just skip my weigh in on Tuesday, and nobody would even know.  It wouldn't really matter.  Anyone reading my blog will only know what I tell them, right?  One time.  I can skip it one time and it will be okay.
And when I realized what I was thinking it scared me. Thankfully, I am writing.  Because that little voice is really sneaky and she almost had me convinced, but I am not lying to myself anymore.  I am not a liar, so the fact that I was considering it said a lot to me.  It made me stop!  That girl inside me, the fat one, the scared one?  She is pretty desperate right now.  And she should be!  Because she is losing.
I am going to post this and I am going to hold myself accountable.  I made bad decisions this week.  Really, really bad ones!  I almost threw in the towel.
But here is what I did differently.
I stopped!
I am taking a breather, and I am really thinking about what I plan to do.  I can eat and I can be the victim and I can lie to everyone or I can stop and choose better.  That's it!
I do not want to post this.  It is a mess, and I know my weigh in on Tuesday will probably be a train wreck, but I am stopping now.  I am not going to journey around that 'crazy circle' again! :)  I will be honest and own up and move on.
I will not give this negativity any more power.
I am learning something here :)
I don't need the lesson repeated.
I will do this!

Bye for now,

I Am The Boss, So There, Cookie :P

Okay. Hello :) I am writing because I would rather be eating! No biggie really, except that it is. I was doing amazing!  Super-fantastically amazing!!!  Up until my high calorie Sunday. 
You may remember me mentioning it here. 
Usually if I do this it helps me to get a jump on losing weight again.  Kind of like a kick start or something, plus I get to eat, so of course I like it ;)  It always works for me.  The trick is not letting my high calorie day turn into a high calorie month! 
I am eating more than I should be.  It is way less than I used to eat, and I am still not going crazy, but it feels like a problem so I don't want to let it get out of hand. 
I am noticing patterns that keep popping up.  I usually like to trip myself up when I am doing too well :)  That's how I roll! 
Well, enough is enough!  I no longer accept this!  Tonight I have eaten some crappy stuff and I have done the whole 'argue with myself, lose said argument, eat something crappy routine' a few times.  I am sure you've been here.  Anyway, just now I was thinking, as I have done many (many, many, many) times in the past, "you already screwed up, you may as well just go with it!". 
Then I stopped! 
I am calling a halt. 
I do not accept this! 
This is no longer me.  I matter more than this, and I won't be sucked back in again.  I will not let a cookie - or whatever, be the boss of me :)  I am kind of tired of coming down this road over and over again.  Maybe I should take the road less traveled :)  There is a lesson I need to learn here, though, obviously. 
Maybe this is it.  I just know that I am really happy that I was able to stop.  I will say that this is a victory.  I can stop, I know this now.  I know that just because it feels like I am out of control - it doesn't mean that I am! 
I am the boss, so there, cookie :P
 *Note to self - write, write, write and write some more.  It helps!!!

Bye for now,

Hey, It Really Is Tuesday :)

And here I am. Believe me, I am shocked too :) Anyway I am here and I weighed!  My weigh-in wasn't exciting at all, I am maintaining.  I had a high calorie day on Sunday and I am back into working out.  That usually gives me a quick weight loss, maybe next week will be batter (scale-wise).  But I am just glad that I am finally getting it together and posting! 
I had company over the weekend.  I mentioned that I want to start stepping out of my comfort zone, and I did!!!  I initiated the get-together!  You probably don't think that is a big deal.  But for me it is.  I usually wait for people to contact me, I wouldn't want to bother anyone (ugh!).  But, I just did it!  I am starting to realize that people like me!  When I am just being myself, I am a lot of fun :) 
Plus, a nice thing happened while they were here.  They really noticed how much weight I have lost!  People haven't really said anything (aside from my mom and my sister's), and I was really okay with it.  I figured it was maybe awkward for someone to say 'hey, you look smaller' or something.  Plus, I can really tell a the difference, so it didn't really matter what anyone else said or didn't say.  I didn't think it would be a big deal if anyone did notice, but it was nice :) 
Anyway that's it for now.  I am thinking that I will be doing my very own workout challenge again.  It worked really well for me last time.  I seem to do fine if I challenge myself, I am still not so good at challenging others.  I am not sure if it bothers me so much now.  So, I am going to figure out my plan and post it later. 
I have been noticing some amazing changes in my body lately and I want to add more exercise in.  I miss it! Weird, huh? - LOL!

Bye for now,

Today Is Tuesday....

It really is :)  You only think it is Thursday!  And of course you are wrong, because I am not late posting my weight again.  So, today is Tuesday!  But seriously, I did weigh myself on Tuesday - so that is good at least.  Now I just have to remember to post it first thing or else I forget.  My weight on Tuesday, ahem, I mean today ;) is 167.64 lbs.  That is a loss of .88 lbs this week.  I'll take it!  At this rate I am going to be at forty pounds lost before I get my thirty pound progress pics up.  Okay, we aren't going there :)  I still have to print those pics out and scan them on to my computer.  You may remember how my computer and my camera hate each other nowadays? :)  If not I talked about it here.  I am such a procrastinator, or maybe just a forgetter :)  I even took my camera cards with me yesterday and still didn't remember to stop.  Anyway that is it for today.

Bye for now,

It Feels Like A Hug!

I was thinking, recently, about how hard it is sometimes to actually feel all of these things I am going through.  You know, working through it all instead of hiding from it?  But then I stopped and thought it through.  Is it really harder?  It may sound harder to actually deal with my baggage.  To work through it step by step.  But it feels kind of like a hug!  Before when things got uncomfortable, I turned away from them.  I pushed them down, mainly with food.  I didn't let them out.  I held everything in and I created a feeling of shame.  Unnecessary!  I remember a time from my childhood.  I was around 13 or 15 and I was dealing with a very difficult situation.  I was scared and confused.  I asked someone very important to talk with me.  I asked for help and she said "Cara, just drop it!".  I think I have been doing this ever since, dropping it!  I think I learned pretty early that if something is difficult or scary you just ignore it.  I ignored so many things that it got to be a job, it was work trying to hide from all that uncomfortable stuff.  I created a monster out of it.  A monster that would lurk in the silence, waiting to pounce if ever I was idle.  Hiding from that guy is hard work, all consuming!  Now what I am doing.  Actually working through it all.  That feels like a hug!  Really!  Because it is like saying to that girl inside of me.  "I want to hear you, you are important.  You are loved!  Your feelings matter!"  I am a good friend :)

Bye for now,

I Didn't Weigh Myself Tuesday...

because I was scared.  I haven't been really exercising.  Hardly at all.  I have been doing really well with my eating, but in the last few days I could have done better.  I honestly haven't been doing the best I can and I expected the scale to show that.  SO... I didn't weigh.  I really worry too much!  I make a huge deal out of things and they aren't ever as bad as I expect them to be.  How annoying!  I am definitely over that crappy bad habit.  It is one I plan on kicking right away.  It is definitely not doing me any favours.  I will weigh every Tuesday from now on.  No matter what!  No Excuses!!!  When I don't stick to this I slide off track.  So, since I know this, and I really am not a dummy :)  I will stick with my Tuesday weigh ins!  But for this weigh in Thursday will have to do.  My weight this morning was 168.52 lbs.  Which means I finally broke through the 35 lb lost mark!  Yay!!!  Now on to forty.  No time for stopping, no time to over think or analyze right now, lets just do this already!  So glad to be heading in the right direction :)

Happy Thursday,

Just A Drama Queen!

I hear birds chirping outside my window right now, and that makes me so happy :) Spring is coming!!! I can feel it.  Yay! 
I am writing because I feel the need.  Who knows what I want to say, I know that there is a lot of stuff going on inside me right now.  I am working through the usual garbage, but I seem to have a block.  I know that when I work my way around it, or over it, or through it that I will feel better.  I just need to work it through.  Soooo here I sit, writing. 
My thoughts are frustrated and disjointed, I hate this feeling.  It is like I am a little disconnected, or something.  I am feeling a little agitated. 
I wonder if maybe the problem is, that there is no problem?  Does that even make any sense?  Things are going really well, when I let them.  I am eating properly-ish ;)  I think I am at the point in the journey where I have to make some serious decisions.  Do I really want to lose any more weight?  Obviously, right?  But what I mean is, do I really want it?  I want to be healthy, I love how great I feel as I lose the weight.  I love that I feel more whole.  I am accepting things about me that I didn't even like to recognize before.  I Love me - I have come a very long way. 
So I am thinking that maybe the problem is this:  I don't have one!  I don't have the urgent need to lose weight now, I know that I am the only thing holding me back.  This journey is only as hard as I choose to make it.  So when the urgency is gone and the excitement, how do I keep going?  Could that be it.  I am just a drama queen at heart and I need the distractions?  Hmmmmm - very possibly. 
I decided when I started this journey that I was going to keep on going "No Matter What!".  Soooooo I won't be quitting, at all, but I am wondering if I am creating a problem because I am used to the turmoil.  Sneaky, sneaky :)  If anyone has made it this far through my jumbled thoughts - What do you think?  It makes sense to me.  I plan to keep writing it out until it all makes sense.  So if you enjoy crazy ramblings and lots (and lots, and lots) of over-analyzing stay tuned!

Bye for now,