Saturday, November 12, 2011

I Was Scared

Hello :)
In my last post I mentioned that I was going to weigh myself on Tuesday and that I was going to start my weekly weigh-ins again until I reach my goal.
I wasn't lying, I had every intention of weighing myself on Tuesday. 
But then Tuesday came and I was.......scared!!!   I was scared to step on that stupid thing and post my weight here again and it felt like a big. huge. deal. 
Silly me :)  Sometimes that side of me still takes over, I guess know. 
So, because I really do want to get moving again I just stepped on the scale this morning.  For some reason just doing that one little thing makes me feel more powerful. 
When I do not weigh in it is because I am worried, nervous, doubtful, anxious, scared, etc., etc., etc. 
So just the act of stepping on the scale is like taking back some of the control. 
Whether the number is a good one - you know what I mean :) - or a bad one, I have faced it and I am not just wondering.  For me it is always a step forward.
So, needless to say, I am happy I did it. 
Now I feel like I am aware, and I have a new start, and I am ready to move again! 
I am up about 2 lbs. from my absolute lowest (my crazy head had me convinced it was more like 15 lbs.) 
My official weight this morning is 148.52 lbs. 
Tuesday I will post my weight on my chart and I am not letting my fear stop me.
You know if this journey wasn't so consuming and frustrating it would really be quite fascinating.  I am figuring out so much about myself and I am actually amazed sometimes with the things I learn. 
Anyway, that's it for today :)

Bye for now,

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Here I Go Again!!!

Hello :)
In the last month I have started many posts and not finished them.  I guess I have writer's block :)
I have been figuring some stuff out and maintaining my weight (with a little self-sabotage here and there). 
I really feel like I know myself like I never have before. I am really aware now. This makes some days hard, because I know that I am the main cause of my difficulties. But, in general every day is getting better and I am realizing more and more that I was in control all along.
I do have power and I am ready to get going again!!! 
I have realized that on the days I struggle it is usually because I am making things harder than they have to be.  If I stick to the basics and do simple things it all flows smoothly and I move along.  When I try to make huge changes and shake things up, or if I am hard on myself, I don't move at all
I am going to start reading back over some of my earlier post and begin again with the basics :)  I'll put my money where my mouth is and take some of my own advice!  It got me this far! 
I have a feeling that I am 'struggling' now because once I have gotten to my goal - then what?!?!?! 
I have to reassess my goals, come up with some new ones and get this bus moving again. 
I am more than ready to get going.
So far the plan is to start back up with my weekly weigh-ins.  I think it is time.  I will stick with Tuesdays, why not?  So next Tuesday will be weigh in day and I will keep it up until I reach my goal.
If I come up with any more plans I will keep you posted but for now it is going to be to keep it simple, be a great friend to myself, and just do it.

Bye for now,