Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Weigh-In Day

Hello :)
I am feeling a bit better today. Thank goodness. I hate being sick - I know, everyone does. I did my weigh in this morning, and I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't gain!!! Yay! I am down .88 lbs. from last week. I know I can do better, and I plan to, but for now I am happy that I didn't gain. So my weight now is 184.8 lbs. I am so close to 20 lbs. lost. I know that I will get there soon. I am realizing even more lately that I need to work on my positive attitude. I am choosing to let things get me off track and I am giving negative things too much power over me. I plan to spend a lot more time visualizing my life exactly how I want it. I am going to live with more of an attitude of gratitude. I am pretty positive usually, and I am very grateful for all of the things in my life - but I need to focus on the good more. I need to let the past go and move away from negativity. I am starting to sound rambly again :) But my point is, get rid of the negative and embrace the positive. I guess that's all for now. Hope your day is fabulous!

Bye for now,

Monday, July 26, 2010

Feeling Crappy

I am sick today. I am feeling really terrible. My throat is really swollen. When I looked in the mirror this morning I was shocked. It looks like I haven't lost any weight, in my face. My jaw, that I swear was noticeable just last night is nonexistent and my neck looks all bloated and puffy. I looked in my throat and it is all red, I hope it gets better soon. I know that I am prone to throat problems, but I hate this swollen look. Plus it is feeling terrible. I am going to weigh myself tomorrow, even though I do not want to. I am sure it will be be awful, but I am definitely not out of the game. Every time I struggle and make it through I know that I am learning something valuable. This is a journey, so even when the road gets bumpy, I am committed to keeping on. Anyway, I am feeling crappy, so I will say bye for now :)

Until tomorrow,

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Stress or Why Isn't This Cookie Helping?!?!?!?

So I have been dealing a lot with that 's' word over the last week or so. It may be apparent from my weigh in day :) I actually feel like I probably should have gained, so a maintain was a little bit of a surprise. I have really been letting things get to me. I have really been letting stress rule me. It sucks - A LOT!!! I have been a little bit of a basket case, possibly a raging case of PMS ;) But, YIKES!!! - enough already! I am not exercising like I should, I am not eating like I should, and, wouldn't you know it, I feel like crap because of it. Shocker, I know. It has been so long since I allowed stress to rule me that it kind of blindsided me this time. GRRRRRRRR!!!! So, in the spirit of moving on here is what I have learned. Food is, apparently, no longer my drug of choice. Huh. Is that even possible? It really feels that way. It just doesn't seem to make me feel better anymore. Believe me, this week has definitely tested the theory - and I tried valiantly to stuff my emotions at times. I cannot eat anywhere near as much as I used to and feel at all OK. It didn't make me feel better at all, on any level. This is good, I am sure of it. But also strange. No??? Before I could eat until it made me feel sick and strangely it felt as though I had accomplished something, because the food soothed me. Now, I don't even get the temporary good feeling. I am not trapped in a vicious, horrible cycle. Not anymore! I cannot do it anymore - I actually hate doing this to myself! I feel better when I eat better and I am fully aware of this as I am stuffing my face. It really feels like I am so over the unhealthy, binge-type eating. I am moving on, I am choosing to do better right now, even though I don't necessarily want to;) But, I thought it was remarkable that food seems to be slowly losing it's hold over me. I am not under it's control anymore! Amazing! I am taking this new knowledge with me as I continue on my journey. I am doing an amazing job and I acknowledge that. This setback is over and I am taking the advice of Keelie at Real Fat and pulling up my big girl panties ;) I will say that the stress has hit me harder because I don't have my old best pal to comfort me - but guess what, I am working it out, and I am dealing. I have learned a lot about me this week - so even though my weight was a maintain and I did really bad on so many levels, I will be happy that I am learning to cope without my crutch. - Go, Cara, Go!!!

Bye for now,

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Weigh-In Day

Happy Tuesday :)

Just a quick post today to track my weight. It is my daughter's ninth birthday today, so I will make it snappy and get to celebrating with the birthday girl! But, can I just take a moment to say - Oh. My. Goodness!!! How do I have a nine year old??? - LOL!!! Anyway on to the weight. Somehow I am exactly the same weight as last week. I am definitely OK with no change, because I had a pretty good two weeks. But, is it weird that I am exactly the same? It's the second time that it has happened, so just thought it was weird. Anyway that's it for today.

Bye for now,

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Do You Hate Skinny Girls???

I am reading back through a book I picked up a few months ago. It is called Secrets of a Former Fat Girl and it was written by Lisa Delaney. While I don't agree with the whole book, I thought there were some useful ideas in it, so I am skimming through it again. Anyway one thing bothered me the first time I read it, and today when I opened the book I was annoyed all over again. The very first sentence on the introduction page is "You don't know me, but you probably hate me." The reason I probably hate the author, according to her, is that she is a size 2, has run marathons, eats chocolate every day, etc., etc. This really bugs me. A lot! I do not hate skinny girls. It never occurred to me that I should. Why would I??? Because they make different choices than I do? Because they are cuter than me? I am completely aware of how I got here, to this size. I ate too much and I didn't move enough - or much at all! I chose to be fat, on some level. Assuming that I hate all skinny girls make it seem like, because I am fat, I am full of envy and/or jealousy. So not true!!! I am full of Doritos ;) Just kidding! But seriously, why would I hate someone because they chose differently than me? I don't get it. I am aware that some people do, hate out of jealousy, I am not completely naive. But I really feel like it is a huge waste of time. Time that I choose to spend on other, more productive, things. Such as finding my missing ankle bones, for example ;) So what about you? Do you hate skinny girls? Is there a club I should have joined? Just curious :)

Bye for now,

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Big Reveal :) or My "Before" Pic

OK, so I have been putting off posting my pics for various reasons. Mainly my reason excuse is that my computer and camera hate each other right now. I have no idea how to fix this problem, so I "can't" post any pics. But really, if I wanted to, I could get off my butt, go to the store, print out my pics and scan them here. A longer process, for sure - but easily doable - at least until they are on speaking terms again ;) Anyway, needless to say, I have just been putting the whole thing off. Then I was looking through my pictures that are already on my computer and realized that there are a few of me already on here. Hmmmm. Maybe I could just post one of these? - uh, DUH!!! :) Sooooooo here goes nothing:

*note* This pic is not very recent, but it shows me before I lost any of my weight (this time) and is at least a step out of my comfort zone, out of hiding. Plus, since I would rather have some of my weight loss pics on here, I am sure this will get me off my butt ;) Anyway that's all for now - I am just going to post this before I lose my nerve.

Bye for now,

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Weigh-In Day

Happy Tuesday :)
Here it is, weigh in day, again. Always a much nicer day when I am on track:) I expected a loss this week, because I am doing so well food-wise. But I did not expect the number I got. I am not sure how it is possible, but today's weight is 185.68 lbs!!! That is a loss of 4.18 lbs. this week. That is just crazy! And not recommended, I know. But I am still happy about it. I am back on track and it feels good :) Really, really good! I know that I am not doing anything crazy or drastic, so I will take the loss this week and be happy about it. I also know not to expect a loss like this, but when it happens it really feels good. I was just calculating my loss so far and I realized that I am almost a quarter of the way to my goal. That is so exciting!!! Exactly a quarter of my goal is 18.525 lbs. lost and I am at 18.4 lbs. lost. WOW!!! I only have to do what I have already done three more times. When I told my sister that she seemed to think it was a huge task, but I know I can do this. I know it! It was hard sometimes, and I am aware that it will be hard again, especially when I get closer to my goal. But I can so do this! She also thought it was crazy that I am excited about being overweight soon :) I know it sounds crazy. But I mean that soon I will no longer be obese. Yay, yay, yay!!! I have lost three points on my B.M.I. and in no time I am going to be overweight, and never see obese again. Which is good, because I have really come to hate that word. Every time I weigh myself on the Wii Fit Plus it says "that's obese", ummmm thanks for the info but do you think I didn't know that? I swear it says it with a bitchy, judgmental attitude as well ;) I cannot wait until it tells me I am overweight. I am going to celebrate! Okay, now that I am sounding extra crazy I will end my post. Can't let all the crazy out at once :) But maybe some of you know what I am talking about?

Bye for now,

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Weigh-In Day

Hello :) Happy Tuesday everyone! I was sure my weight would be up again this week, but it actually isn't. I lost .88 lbs - I will take it and be happy about it, a loss is a loss after all. But, I know that I can do better. So this week I will see how well I can do. I am busy with redecorating my daughter's bedroom. I plan to be painting so much that I won't even be able to even think about overeating. She wants to switch rooms with the baby so we are planning on switching and redecorating it for her by the 20th, which is her birthday. It is going to look really awesome! I have this whole big plan and I cannot wait to finish it for her. My husband was a little resistant at first, but now he sees the brilliance that is my plan and he is ready to help out ;) Anyway, that's all that is going down around here right now. I could be eating better and I could be exercising more - my mini goal for next week will be to not have to write that last sentence. I want to give it my ALL. I am going to try and scrub off some paint I just found on my arm - ooooh I am going to Google how many calories painting burns!

So much to do, bye for now

Friday, July 2, 2010

A Good Day :)

Today is a good day :) I am doing so well. It feels really good! I did really great yesterday, as well. I am setting goals and writing them down. I am keeping track of my food and I am being kind to myself. Yesterday I read this post written by Chris at A Deliberate Life and it really helped put things into perspective for me. Do I really want to quit? Of course not. I refuse to stand still and accept whatever I get. I am going to take control of my life. I am going to create it as beautifully as I can imagine. I am ready to accept all of the good things that are coming to me. It is amazing to me that after all the struggles it is really just as simple as choosing. I am just choosing to be better. That is it. I am choosing the good and accepting only the best things for me. I am getting healthy because I decided to quit trying. I decided that trying is nothing but a big waste of my time. I will not try to feel better and eat healthier and enjoy my life. I will just do it. Anyway, that's all :) I was just feeling really good and wanted to keep a reminder for myself. Accepting my good feels a lot better than quitting does!

Happy Friday!

Thursday, July 1, 2010


Gained!!!!! I cannot, in all honesty, say that I am surprised at all! I have been eating terribly. I have felt terrible. Really terrible. I have hated how I have been feeling. So, note to me - DO NOT OVEREAT!!! Just don't!!! You will feel awful. It was definitely not worth it. I didn't even really enjoy any of the stuff I ate. I am so happy to be back on track. I am going to be on track all month. I hate the way I feel when I don't take care of myself. I saw a really overweight person the other day and I was thinking that she probably doesn't even realize how much better she can feel. I was sad for her, and myself because it is so hard. But then I realized I was being an idiot. I know how much better I can feel. When I exercise my body feels amazing. I feel better all around. It has stopped being a real chore. I still have to talk myself into it some days but I am always glad I did it. And this is just the beginning. If I feel this good already, how much better can it be? I would be stupid if I went back to my self destructive ways. I am not stupid! I know I can do this. I know it. I am going to put some of my pictures on a.s.a.p. I want to keep a visual record of my progress as well. My first two pictures are pretty terrible quality, but I may post them anyway, for a starting point. Well I guess that is all for now. To recap: Boo!!! On the gain :( - but YAY!!! for being back on track!

Happy Canada Day :)