So, Here's The Deal......

I really, really want to eat.  A lot.
A lot of stuff, I mean.
Ugh!!!
It is terrible. 
This feeling I get sometimes that I am helpless?  Or that I'm a passenger. 
Just watching out the window. 
See the train wreck? :) 
Anyway, it is getting old.
I have done a remarkable amount of backsliding in a really short amount of time.
I feel like JUNK!!! Seriously!
Really, really terrible. I have been eating the worst things, awful stuff.
The worst part is that I do not even enjoy this junk anymore yet I am still eating, eating, eating... 
I am going to weigh myself tomorrow and post my weight here.
No matter how scary it is :)
I am going to weigh myself every day and I am going to start posting it again weekly until I reach my goal.
I am going to get serious. Seriously! :)
I will be back tomorrow with my weight and some new goals to get me started again.
Today I was thinking about this journey and how ready I am to be at my goal. 
I was going to plan my resolution and give the New Year a great start. 
And then I thought - Why wait? 
Why not just start right now. 
So I am. 

'Til tomorrow,

Am I Struggling?

I was thinking about this earlier.
I have been eating a bit more junk food than usual lately.  I feel a little tighter in the waist area.  It is that time of the month, but I am pretty sure that junk food is the culprit.
So anyway, I was standing in the kitchen just now, and I was wondering - 'Am I struggling?'
I have been having this thought a lot over the last week or so.  It pops into my head and out again just as quickly.  Just an annoying little blip.  Something to be easily quieted with a cookie...or three.
But just now, when that question popped into my head, I stopped.  I thought.  And I had a flash of what 'struggling' feels like.  The 'accidental' overeating, the guilt, the shame, the anger, the stomach aches ;) 
Did I really want that?  Do I really want that?
Do I prefer feeling that way?
Ummmmmmmm......NO!!!
If I choose to struggle, then I am choosing those consequences.  I choose to feel awful.
Over the last week or so, when I would wonder if I was struggling, I would recall the three cookies I ate earlier, or the extra snack, or whatever and I would think - "Yes, I am struggling", and so I did.  That question started the cycle each time.  It was kind of like I was giving myself permission to fail.
I don't know what caused all of this to flash into my head just now.  I am just glad that it did.  I am glad that I stopped and really thought about it.
Am I struggling?
Of course not!
I am choosing to not struggle.
I so much prefer to not struggle.  I feel better.  I feel fabulous.  I feel more confident, I sleep better, I am so much happier, plus - I lose weight!!!
So, of course, I am not struggling.  Just in case you were wondering ;)
Is it that easy?
I really think it can be!

Bye for now,

Feeling Fabulous!!!

I have not been posting very much at all lately, but I refuse to feel bad about it :) Because, I am feeling really fabulous!
I am maintaining right now, but I am so happy with where my head is.

I am having a lot of fun playing with clothes and putting new outfits together. This has really been helping to keep me on track. Who knew clothes could be so fun and motivating?!? I am eating really well and I am squeezing exercise in wherever I can. Doing lots of fun and active family stuff!
Things are going really well and I am happy. So, how can I feel bad about not blogging?

Right now I am just focusing on family and working around the house. I am on a mission to de-clutter. Not just the places that are seen (the way I usually do) I mean I have been attacking the clutter everywhere. In every. single. closet. It feels really good. I am letting go of a lot of stuff. I am feeling free and happy and pretty confident.

I am not going to try and figure out how to maintain this feeling (like last time).  I am just going to enjoy it, and go with it, and see where it leads me.

I guess I did have a little post in my head :)
I keep thinking that I don't really have much to write.

Anyway I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.
I am not doing really badly and hiding it (like in the past)
I am just happy, and busy, and moving along.

I hope to get writing more, but I am not going to make any guarantees or time limits.
I know how that ends up and I will not go there.

I am making good choices and just enjoying life.
It feels really good :)

Happy Tuesday!
(Oh, and that means it is weigh in day!  I will have to update my chart a.s.a.p. but nothing really exciting is happening in that particular area - happily maintaining for the time being)

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day

I got my Wii problem sorted out, so I have updated my weight chart.
I was really surprised with my weight this morning. I am down to 161.26 lbs. Which means somehow in the last week I lost 4.18 lbs! Huh? I do not even know how that makes sense, but that is what happened.
I have noticed lately that no matter how bad I think I am doing, I am actually not really gaining anything. I am pretty good at maintaining now. That makes me happy, because I think it means that I am learning how to eat properly. Well I am not going to over analyze it....much ;)
I am sure when I get back into the swing of exercising regularly again the scale will slow down, but that's okay. I am not so worried about the numbers anymore. I know that I am moving in the right direction.
For me the hard part is working through my junk and convincing myself to just do it! Once I decide it seems so easy. That's it for now.
Happy Tuesday :)
Oh, and I guess that means I better take my 40 lb. progress pic now! I will get it done a.s.a.p. this time - for reals!!! :)

Bye for now,

I Am The Boss, So There, Cookie :P

Okay. Hello :) I am writing because I would rather be eating! No biggie really, except that it is. I was doing amazing!  Super-fantastically amazing!!!  Up until my high calorie Sunday. 
You may remember me mentioning it here. 
Usually if I do this it helps me to get a jump on losing weight again.  Kind of like a kick start or something, plus I get to eat, so of course I like it ;)  It always works for me.  The trick is not letting my high calorie day turn into a high calorie month! 
I am eating more than I should be.  It is way less than I used to eat, and I am still not going crazy, but it feels like a problem so I don't want to let it get out of hand. 
I am noticing patterns that keep popping up.  I usually like to trip myself up when I am doing too well :)  That's how I roll! 
Well, enough is enough!  I no longer accept this!  Tonight I have eaten some crappy stuff and I have done the whole 'argue with myself, lose said argument, eat something crappy routine' a few times.  I am sure you've been here.  Anyway, just now I was thinking, as I have done many (many, many, many) times in the past, "you already screwed up, you may as well just go with it!". 
Then I stopped! 
I am calling a halt. 
I do not accept this! 
This is no longer me.  I matter more than this, and I won't be sucked back in again.  I will not let a cookie - or whatever, be the boss of me :)  I am kind of tired of coming down this road over and over again.  Maybe I should take the road less traveled :)  There is a lesson I need to learn here, though, obviously. 
Maybe this is it.  I just know that I am really happy that I was able to stop.  I will say that this is a victory.  I can stop, I know this now.  I know that just because it feels like I am out of control - it doesn't mean that I am! 
I am the boss, so there, cookie :P
 *Note to self - write, write, write and write some more.  It helps!!!

Bye for now,

I Didn't Weigh Myself Tuesday...

because I was scared.  I haven't been really exercising.  Hardly at all.  I have been doing really well with my eating, but in the last few days I could have done better.  I honestly haven't been doing the best I can and I expected the scale to show that.  SO... I didn't weigh.  I really worry too much!  I make a huge deal out of things and they aren't ever as bad as I expect them to be.  How annoying!  I am definitely over that crappy bad habit.  It is one I plan on kicking right away.  It is definitely not doing me any favours.  I will weigh every Tuesday from now on.  No matter what!  No Excuses!!!  When I don't stick to this I slide off track.  So, since I know this, and I really am not a dummy :)  I will stick with my Tuesday weigh ins!  But for this weigh in Thursday will have to do.  My weight this morning was 168.52 lbs.  Which means I finally broke through the 35 lb lost mark!  Yay!!!  Now on to forty.  No time for stopping, no time to over think or analyze right now, lets just do this already!  So glad to be heading in the right direction :)

Happy Thursday,

Weigh-In Day

Hello :) Today is weigh in day and, shockingly, I am here writing my post. My weight this morning is 172.48 lbs. That means I have lost 4.18 lbs this week. I know not to expect this normally, but it was still a nice surprise. Just like Sarah said in a comment to one of my posts "It is amazing how your body can thank you for eating right". Anyway that is it for now. I have a pretty busy day ahead of me and I better get moving. I will be back soon though. I am really happy to be back on track and I plan to keep it going.

Bye for now,

Feeling Groovy!!!

I really love where my head is right now. I am so on track, with my eating, and I feel unstoppable. I feel like I did at the beginning of this journey. I am excited, optimistic and determined. It feels really good to be back in the game. I have been very self-aware and I know that is why I am doing so well. I am able to stop and realize that I am just "hungry" because I am bored, frustrated, pms'ing, etc., etc., etc. I am really in touch with my feelings and actions. But I don't let them overwhelm me anymore. It feels really nice.

I have also been noticing a lot of things about my body in the last little while. I kept feeling like there was no real change since I began losing weight, but lately I have been noticing how different I really do feel. I can put on all of my clothes, straight out of the dryer and I don't have to pre-stretch anything. Was it just me that had to do that? :) I used to have to stretch out some of my shirts so that they 'fit right'. I also don't have to constantly make sure that my shirt is covering my butt or my belly and I don't have to continually adjust my bra. I no longer loosen my belt or pants (ie. popping open my button because I really enjoyed dinner) and I just feel comfortable in my skin. Does that make sense? It is a hard feeling to explain. I am definitely still overweight, but it is amazing how much better I already feel. I am excited again because if I feel this good now, imagine how great I will feel as I keep going.

So far my journey has taught me a lot of things, but I think the most important one is to love myself. I started out doing good things for myself because I knew that I should. Now I do these things because I know that I deserve to be happy and to feel great. I am no longer working at it because I should, I am automatically being good to myself. I am really happy about this. It took me a long time to feel like I deserved good things. The change came about and I didn't even realize it. I am really grateful for every bit of this journey. I am learning so much about me and I really love who I am.

Anyway, enough of the Rambly  Love Fest :)  I am going to bed at a semi-early hour tonight.  I need sleep!

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day

Hello,

Today is Tuesday, so that means weigh in day, as usual. It is also day 5 of my own, personal, 30 Day Shred Challenge (yikes!!!) and Day 5 of the Gettin' Sexy Challenge. I have been doing really great.  I am glad to say that I have been staying on track with both challenges for the last five days.  I plan to do better with my eating for the next week, but I am feeling pretty good about things.  My weight this morning was 185.24 lbs.  So I have lost 3.08 lbs.  It isn't everything that I gained last week, but it is a good start.  I know that I can do better though.  So that will be next week's task :)

Bye for now,

Sounds Like A Plan

I am doing really well with my exercise plan and that makes me happy. But, I know that I could definitely be doing better with my eating. It isn't really that I have been doing horribly, I am just feeling a bit out of control.  At the end of the day I'm like "Okay, what did I eat today?".  So I am going to get back into journaling. Every. Single. Thing. I. Eat. Seriously!!! I do not know why I continue to make this journey harder than it has to be. Oh wait, yes I do ;) I like to sabotage myself. You may remember, but if not I talked about it here, here, and here too :)  Well in an effort to make this journey as easy as possible I am going to use the tools that I know will work.  And keeping a food journal absolutely works.  I have started today and I already feel better.  I hate the out of control feeling, so I will get rid of it.  Easy, right Cara?  So just do it already :)  I am also planning on attacking that Evil Sugar Monster that is lurking inside of me.  I am not going to do anything drastic like give up sweets forever.  I applaud everyone who has done it, but at this point I just don't want to.  I figure if I am not giving it up forever, than why even bother?  I am just going to cut waaaaaaay back.  I did it before, so I know it can be done.  I started with my drinks last time.  Nothing but water or tea.  I didn't think I could manage when I began, but then it got to the point that I liked it.  My head was clearer, no more headaches, what's not to like?  Plus that is something I can definitely keep up.  I didn't even miss the other, sugary beverages.  After a while, anyway. So step one is keep up my food journal and step two is get drinking, water that is ;)  Two small steps, but I can already feel the momentum building.

Bye for now,

2.64...

Gained!!!!! I cannot, in all honesty, say that I am surprised at all! I have been eating terribly. I have felt terrible. Really terrible. I have hated how I have been feeling. So, note to me - DO NOT OVEREAT!!! Just don't!!! You will feel awful. It was definitely not worth it. I didn't even really enjoy any of the stuff I ate. I am so happy to be back on track. I am going to be on track all month. I hate the way I feel when I don't take care of myself. I saw a really overweight person the other day and I was thinking that she probably doesn't even realize how much better she can feel. I was sad for her, and myself because it is so hard. But then I realized I was being an idiot. I know how much better I can feel. When I exercise my body feels amazing. I feel better all around. It has stopped being a real chore. I still have to talk myself into it some days but I am always glad I did it. And this is just the beginning. If I feel this good already, how much better can it be? I would be stupid if I went back to my self destructive ways. I am not stupid! I know I can do this. I know it. I am going to put some of my pictures on a.s.a.p. I want to keep a visual record of my progress as well. My first two pictures are pretty terrible quality, but I may post them anyway, for a starting point. Well I guess that is all for now. To recap: Boo!!! On the gain :( - but YAY!!! for being back on track!

Happy Canada Day :)

The Challenge

I am still here, I have just been neglecting my blog I guess. I went on a mini vacation with my family and it was so nice. We definitely needed to get away and have some family time. I have to say, though, that I am really off track :( I hate this. I am not giving up though. So that is good. I have realized that turning this weight loss into a challenge with my sister isn't working for me. I knew from the beginning, because it isn't the first time a family member has talked me into a challenge like this. The reason I did it anyway was because it was working for my sister, it was keeping her motivated. I figured I could just go along for a month and that would be it. But now she wants to keep it up and I am going to have to say no. I lost some momentum and I am pretty sure I have slipped back quite a bit with my weight loss. My eating has been pretty atrocious, so I am not just being hard on myself. I am sure there will be a gain. I didn't forget to weigh in on Tuesday, my weight was exactly the same as the week before. I will post it, but I am amazed there wasn't a gain - I am sure there will be one this week. Anyway the challenge is done on Wednesday and then I have a fabulous, easy, get-back-on-track plan for July. Yay. I really wish I could go back in time and undo the crappy choices of the last week. Oh well, live and learn :) As long as I do learn it is a victory. I am ready to get back into feeling fabulous!

Hope you had a great weekend :)

Sneaky, Sneaky, Sneaky!!!

Hi :)

I am thinking about a lot of things lately. When am I not??? I thought I was doing pretty well with my eating. I am on the lookout for trip-ups and the sneaky little things my inner fat-girl may be trying to toss in my way. I thought I was doing pretty well. But then I realized I am still playing the tomorrow game. This is like when I say to myself, 'I will eat better tomorrow' or, 'I will exercise tomorrow'. I'm sure we all know how that goes. But I thought I was done with that. I was surprised when I found myself thinking just the other day, "When I am at my goal I won't be eating like this". That is exactly-the-same as the tomorrow game. I never even realized I was doing it still. There are still some things I am doing that are sabotaging me, and I tell myself I will stop when I make it to my goal. HUH!?!?!? I am really glad that I spotted this trap. I am looking on the bright side here :) Now that I hear that voice I can shut it down!!! When I hear it I can stop it. I want to make a whole lifestyle change. I do not want to diet. That will not work for me. So I need to start eating the way I will be eating at my goal, now. I will live like I am thin and healthy, eat like I am thin and healthy and then guess what - I will BE thin and healthy!!! I am really glad I spotted that sneaky, backwards thinking. So from now on when I am about to eat something that I don't really want or when I am tempted to just sit by and wait for my goal to come to me I will stop and act. I am going to be more conscious and aware and I am going to live. I am going to move towards my goal and not wait for it to magically get here. I am going to do it. I am such a rambler, huh? I wonder if anyone else can even make sense out of what I am saying. Well I get it, at least :)

One more point for Cara - Yay me!!!

Weigh-In Day

So, it is Tuesday again. And that means weigh-in day. I have been a little worried that I wasn't losing and I have been a bit hard on myself, but I shouldn't have been. I didn't lose as much as I did last time, (and I didn't expect to) but I lost! So that is good. Really good!!! I definitely have to remember to stop worrying so much about a number and concentrate on how I am really doing. So, for the record, I am down to 197.12. But more importantly I am doing AMAZING!!! I am holding myself accountable, I am eating way better, and I am doing some sort of physical activity every day. I am being kinder to myself and I am learning to accept myself. Today I am proud of me and I am going to go with that feeling. So often I spend so much time putting myself down and I forget to see the great things I am accomplishing. I am learning to love myself and I know now that this is the key to losing this weight permanently. I hope everyone is having an awesome day - it is so sunny and bright here today.

Happy Tuesday!!!

Success!!!

I am so happy that I have been doing really well all around this week. I am eating a lot better and I am also consistently exercising. I have been doing a minimum of thirty minutes on the Wii Fit Plus every day. I really like it because is fun and I feel really good when I am finished. Plus I am happy that I am sticking with it, and that makes me want to try other things too :)
Today I thought that I would make sure to do some sit ups. I have been working my arms and doing cardio, but since baby #2 I am less-than-happy with my tummy. Soooooo, sit ups sounded like a good idea. You may wonder why I am writing about this though. It is basically because I want to be able to look back on days when I think I am doing terribly and remember how I started out. I am sure one day in the very near future the fact that I only managed 20 sit ups today will make me feel better. I don't feel too badly about it though. I mean it was HARD (really, super, do-I-even-have-stomache-muscles hard) and I can't wait until it isn't, but I did 20 sit ups with a one year old climbing all over me.

I am going to count this one as a success :)

Hello

I am actually doing it..... I am going to start a weight loss blog. OMGoodness!!!
I have been "meaning" to do this forever. But, of course, it is a HUGE step out of my comfort zone. I mean, I do not like to even think about my weight, so writing about it is a bit of a stretch. The thing is, I think being in denial about my weight is THE reason I have weight issues in the first place. I know, DUH!!!, right? Anyway so for the last little while I have been working some of my eating and exercise issues out. The main issues with eating and exercise are that:
a) I don't want to think about what I eat before I eat it (that might take the enjoyment out of it)
and
b) I don't want to exercise (whining)
So of course by working them out I mean that I stopped whining and I opened my eyes. I am getting into a pretty regular exercise routine, which I WILL keep up! And I am eating waaaaaay better. Sooooooo I will blog about this journey and it's success :)

That's it for now. I just really wanted to get something down before I could second guess myself again. Here is to the beginning of another journey. I cannot wait to reach destination ME!!!!

Oh and I guess if I am blogging my weight loss we need a starting weight: 199 lbs.