STOP!!!

I am having trouble right now.
I am annoyed just writing those words and I am so not in the mood to even talk about it.  I am angry!  Seriously, just completely tired of this merry go round.  I hate it!  A lot!
So, you may wonder why I am writing then.  I am writing because it crossed my mind earlier that I could just skip my weigh in on Tuesday, and nobody would even know.  It wouldn't really matter.  Anyone reading my blog will only know what I tell them, right?  One time.  I can skip it one time and it will be okay.
And when I realized what I was thinking it scared me. Thankfully, I am writing.  Because that little voice is really sneaky and she almost had me convinced, but I am not lying to myself anymore.  I am not a liar, so the fact that I was considering it said a lot to me.  It made me stop!  That girl inside me, the fat one, the scared one?  She is pretty desperate right now.  And she should be!  Because she is losing.
I am going to post this and I am going to hold myself accountable.  I made bad decisions this week.  Really, really bad ones!  I almost threw in the towel.
But here is what I did differently.
I stopped!
I am taking a breather, and I am really thinking about what I plan to do.  I can eat and I can be the victim and I can lie to everyone or I can stop and choose better.  That's it!
I do not want to post this.  It is a mess, and I know my weigh in on Tuesday will probably be a train wreck, but I am stopping now.  I am not going to journey around that 'crazy circle' again! :)  I will be honest and own up and move on.
I will not give this negativity any more power.
I am learning something here :)
I don't need the lesson repeated.
I will do this!

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day

Tuesday again. It comes so fast, and if I was losing weight I would be happy about this. I am not. Well, I mean, I am unhappy about the not losing weight part. I actually haven't weighed myself today because I haven't been home to do it yet (and I use the Wii - so I can't just hop on it easily) but I can use yesterdays weight. I am up to 198.44 again. I was considering just skipping it today and starting fresh next Tuesday, but I want to hold myself accountable. So it didn't seem like a good idea :) I am NOT giving up!!! I may not be all perky and super-optimistic about it right now, but I am going to do this. I think that in order to keep going I have to keep track of the bad points as well as the good. I am coming up with a game plan, things to do when I feel myself losing focus, and I am definitely not counting myself out. I will be back and on Tuesday the scale WILL NOT show a gain. I will not let excuses stand in my way this week.

Happy Tuesday :) It is rainy and gray here, but I kinda like it.

Weigh-In Day

So, it is Tuesday again. And that means weigh-in day. I have been a little worried that I wasn't losing and I have been a bit hard on myself, but I shouldn't have been. I didn't lose as much as I did last time, (and I didn't expect to) but I lost! So that is good. Really good!!! I definitely have to remember to stop worrying so much about a number and concentrate on how I am really doing. So, for the record, I am down to 197.12. But more importantly I am doing AMAZING!!! I am holding myself accountable, I am eating way better, and I am doing some sort of physical activity every day. I am being kinder to myself and I am learning to accept myself. Today I am proud of me and I am going to go with that feeling. So often I spend so much time putting myself down and I forget to see the great things I am accomplishing. I am learning to love myself and I know now that this is the key to losing this weight permanently. I hope everyone is having an awesome day - it is so sunny and bright here today.

Happy Tuesday!!!