Here I Go Again!!!

Hello :)
In the last month I have started many posts and not finished them.  I guess I have writer's block :)
I have been figuring some stuff out and maintaining my weight (with a little self-sabotage here and there). 
I really feel like I know myself like I never have before. I am really aware now. This makes some days hard, because I know that I am the main cause of my difficulties. But, in general every day is getting better and I am realizing more and more that I was in control all along.
I do have power and I am ready to get going again!!! 
I have realized that on the days I struggle it is usually because I am making things harder than they have to be.  If I stick to the basics and do simple things it all flows smoothly and I move along.  When I try to make huge changes and shake things up, or if I am hard on myself, I don't move at all. 
I am going to start reading back over some of my earlier post and begin again with the basics :)  I'll put my money where my mouth is and take some of my own advice!  It got me this far! 
I have a feeling that I am 'struggling' now because once I have gotten to my goal - then what?!?!?! 
I have to reassess my goals, come up with some new ones and get this bus moving again. 
I am more than ready to get going.
So far the plan is to start back up with my weekly weigh-ins.  I think it is time.  I will stick with Tuesdays, why not?  So next Tuesday will be weigh in day and I will keep it up until I reach my goal.
If I come up with any more plans I will keep you posted but for now it is going to be to keep it simple, be a great friend to myself, and just do it.

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day

Hello :)  It's Tuesday again and, as usual, I had my date with the scale this morning.  My weight is 176.22 lbs this morning.  I am down 0.88 lbs from last week.  It isn't a huge loss, but it's a loss.  I will take it! 
In my last post I mentioned how well I was doing with my eating.  But you may have noticed that I didn't mention exercise.  That is because I wasn't doing it.  None, at all.  Anyway I decided to get back on track with that too.  I am committing to my minimum half hour per day again.  I am really glad that I did.  Yesterday I worked out for one hour on the Wii and then I did my crunches and weights.  This morning I have already completed my half hour and I feel really good. 
When I get off track and skip workouts I end up making a huge issue out of it in my head.  I will think things like "I need to start working out again" and turn it into this big huge thing in my head and then I end up not doing it and time goes by.  I realized that I was doing this and I stopped and thought that instead of making a huge deal about working out everyday, and getting back into it, and worrying about how much I should workout - I need to just get moving!!!  So I did.  I worked out yesterday and I worked out today.  I stopped worrying about the details and I stopped planning a workout and I just moved.  And, not at all surprisingly, I feel great. 
I didn't even realise I was sabotaging myself, but I was.  I was getting so caught up in thinking about what I should be doing that I wasn't actually doing anything.  Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky!!!  Does anyone else do this?  Anyway that's it for today.  I have plans for today so I better get moving.

Bye for now,

I AM OVERWEIGHT!!!

And, yes - I am yelling!  I am so very happy to post this.  I am finally, finally, overweight.  No longer obese - never again!!!  Not if I can help it.  And I know that I can.  I really can.  I weighed in this morning and I have lost 0.66 lbs. since Tuesday.  I am at 179.08 lbs.  Yay, yay, yay!  Okay, I am a little excited.  I cannot explain to you how much I have hated hearing the voice on Wii Fit telling me every time I weighed in "that's obese!" - ugh! - it drove me CRAZY!!!  But this morning it said "that's overweight".  Awesome!  I am finally over the 25 lbs. lost hump.  It was starting to feel like I would never make it.  It has been really, really easy to lose these last five lbs. or so.  I am being very cautious right now, I am on the lookout for sneak attacks from my 'inner sabotager'.  But so far, so good.  I am going to just go with it and take in this great feeling and let it build.  I am not sure how I will be feeling on Tuesday, but hopefully I will be back to post my official weigh in.  If not, I will do it a.s.a.p.  I am having my wisdom teeth removed on Monday and I am a huge baby, so I am very nervous.  I am on blood thinners, so any kind of surgery freaks me out - a lot!!!  Oh well, I'll be fine.  Just for the record I am happy to post that I have lost 4.1 points off my B.M.I. and 25.02 lbs. - so far!  Have a super-great weekend and sorry for all of my exclamations and italicising (sp?)  I am a little exuberant this morning :)

Bye for now, 


P.S.  I played Just Dance 2 (Wii)  with my sister's last night and it was so much fun.  I definitely recommend it if you are looking for a fun way to get moving!!!  I know that sounded like an advertisement but I just thought the game was a lot of fun :)

Weigh-In Day...

was yesterday, I know :)  I am here today, though, and I am posting my weight, even though I would rather ignore it.  But since I am no longer doing 'my little ostrich act' I am going to post it, deal with it, and move on.  My weight was up to 184.14 lbs.  So I gained .88 lbs last week.  As I type this I am aware that it is such a small number to freak out over.  It's actually pretty silly, I know.  But I am also aware that it isn't the number that freaks me out, it is what I do in my head.  The way I can twist any little setback around and turn it into a huge failure.  How I can turn me into a huge failure.  On the bright side, I am onto that sneaky little sabotager and her tricks are losing their effectiveness.  I see it happening.  I am going to spend more time reading my affirmations, I find it very helpful.  I am also going to just keep going on with the knowledge that I can, and will do this.  I am doing this.  So, anyway, moving on....

Freaking Out!!!

So, I am freaking out a little.  It happens.  Not so much lately, but still sometimes.  I hate it.  The freaking out.  I hate the way I feel right now.  I am all stressed out because tomorrow is weigh in day and I am up a tiny bit.  I watched myself messing up.  It was all Cara-approved screwing up.  I seriously watched myself do it.  So why freak out?  I know this sounds rambly, cause hey - freaking out here!!!  I think I should probably delete this post and ignore the crap swirling around in my head right now, but I figured I would start writing and see what comes up.  When I am not doing so great and my date with the scale is getting closer I sabotage myself.  I guess I have this all or nothing attitude.  Kind of like "hey I already screwed this up, let's see how bad I can make it." - argh!  I am starting to get really tired of it.  Really.  Really.  Tired.  I guess that means I have an issue, huh?  Well duh!  But how do I move past it?  I am really taking a look at my actions, lately.  Not strictly food related stuff, just all of my 'life stuff'.  I can see how I react to things and lately I have been able to stop and observe my emotions before I react.  It has been a huge eye opener.  Kind of like I am not on automatic pilot anymore.  Like I am waking up.  I like it, but still this crappy self-sabotage.  So frustrating!  I think that maybe I want to have a problem.  Who am I if I am not the fat girl?  If I am not invisible anymore?  If I can't hide behind my weight?  Right now I am so tired of all of my excuses.  Like, once again two parts of me are fighting it out.  Sensible, ready-to-be-the-best-possible-me, Cara is tired of waiting around for needy, whiny, always-has to-be-rescued, Cara to get her act together.  Tired of holding her hand and dragging her through all of this crap.  I seriously just want to kick her ass already!  Holy cow, I sound like I have a split personality.  Don't worry, I promise, I am not going to lose it or anything.  I think the anger may be okay.  It feels like I am just having a huge shift happening inside of me right now.  Is it just me?  If anyone is still reading at this point they probably think I am nuts.  I am feeling a bit better now though.  Writing is so helpful.  I guess I just needed to get that out.  Well I am going to head to bed and get a good nights sleep.  I will post my weight tomorrow and move forward.  I am really tired of sitting where I am, spinning my tires.  Something is going to change.  Not sure what yet, but I will figure it out.  On with the journey.  I think the freaking out portion of this post is over :)  Sooooooooooo....

Bye for now,

Sounds Like A Plan

I am doing really well with my exercise plan and that makes me happy. But, I know that I could definitely be doing better with my eating. It isn't really that I have been doing horribly, I am just feeling a bit out of control.  At the end of the day I'm like "Okay, what did I eat today?".  So I am going to get back into journaling. Every. Single. Thing. I. Eat. Seriously!!! I do not know why I continue to make this journey harder than it has to be. Oh wait, yes I do ;) I like to sabotage myself. You may remember, but if not I talked about it here, here, and here too :)  Well in an effort to make this journey as easy as possible I am going to use the tools that I know will work.  And keeping a food journal absolutely works.  I have started today and I already feel better.  I hate the out of control feeling, so I will get rid of it.  Easy, right Cara?  So just do it already :)  I am also planning on attacking that Evil Sugar Monster that is lurking inside of me.  I am not going to do anything drastic like give up sweets forever.  I applaud everyone who has done it, but at this point I just don't want to.  I figure if I am not giving it up forever, than why even bother?  I am just going to cut waaaaaaay back.  I did it before, so I know it can be done.  I started with my drinks last time.  Nothing but water or tea.  I didn't think I could manage when I began, but then it got to the point that I liked it.  My head was clearer, no more headaches, what's not to like?  Plus that is something I can definitely keep up.  I didn't even miss the other, sugary beverages.  After a while, anyway. So step one is keep up my food journal and step two is get drinking, water that is ;)  Two small steps, but I can already feel the momentum building.

Bye for now,

Weigh-In Day

Happy Tuesday :) Today is weigh in day. I am happy to report that my sneaky sabotager (I don't care if this isn't a word, I am using it anyway :P) did not throw me off track. I am 183.26 lbs. this morning and so happy to be over that hump. I just realized yesterday that I am almost a third of the way through my journey. It feels really good to say that. In exactly 3.86 lbs. I will be there! I have a lot of emotional junk and drama and worries swirling around here right now and I am glad that I am not letting my health or happiness take a back seat to the stress. I am not sure how much of that junk I want to put out there, I may just leave it all out of my posts. But I am glad to note that I am finally putting myself first, and keeping me there. Life can be fabulous, if I don't get in my own way ;) I am finding more and more every day that I really do choose the life I want. I can actually do what I want, when I want and the world does not fall apart around me. People can manage their own drama, and I do not have to sucked into their toxic negativity! I am feeling a huge need to purge everything I do not absolutely need, want or love from my life and home. I am ready to feel free! I have had a taste of it and I want it all. Here at home things are really great, my husband and I are on the same page right now - I am going to enjoy this becase, really, how often does that happen? :) I usually get caught up in outside drama and this time we are not letting it infect our happiness. I am usually the fixer in the family (meaning with my mom and sisters), and I am giving up this role. I know that I chose to be that person before, but not anymore. Anyway I am getting rambly again so I will finish this post and get on with my day. I think I can hear the laundry calling - Joy!!!

Bye for now,

I Did It!!!

Hello and Happy Sunday :) I am just doing a quick post today to say - I did it!!!!! I have officially lost 20 lbs. Well 20.62, to be exact. I know that I have done it before, but I was stuck in this crazy mindset that it didn't really count unless it was on weigh in day. Weird, huh? So this time I am posting it and accepting it and moving forward. So, even though it is Sunday, and not Tuesday I am posting my weight. As of this morning I am at 183.48 lbs. I will not give that sneaky saboteur inside the chance to do her stuff. I am posting it and moving along, onto the next challenge :) I am really close to one of my personal goals which is to weigh 178 lbs. The only reason this is a mini goal is because I almost never used to weigh myself and so I have only two key weights I remember being at. One was 178 lbs. and it was when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and the other is 155 lbs., right before I got married. So for some strange reason I am excited about getting to 178 lbs., and then moving right past it of course :) Hey I just realized something, I have lost at least 10% of my initial weight. That is the first goal I set out to make. Yay for me, I almost let it sneak past without noticing it. That is awesome! Well now I am feeling really good, and I will say goodbye on that note! Hope great things are happening for you today :)

Bye for now,

Sneaky, Sneaky, Sneaky!!!

Hi :)

I am thinking about a lot of things lately. When am I not??? I thought I was doing pretty well with my eating. I am on the lookout for trip-ups and the sneaky little things my inner fat-girl may be trying to toss in my way. I thought I was doing pretty well. But then I realized I am still playing the tomorrow game. This is like when I say to myself, 'I will eat better tomorrow' or, 'I will exercise tomorrow'. I'm sure we all know how that goes. But I thought I was done with that. I was surprised when I found myself thinking just the other day, "When I am at my goal I won't be eating like this". That is exactly-the-same as the tomorrow game. I never even realized I was doing it still. There are still some things I am doing that are sabotaging me, and I tell myself I will stop when I make it to my goal. HUH!?!?!? I am really glad that I spotted this trap. I am looking on the bright side here :) Now that I hear that voice I can shut it down!!! When I hear it I can stop it. I want to make a whole lifestyle change. I do not want to diet. That will not work for me. So I need to start eating the way I will be eating at my goal, now. I will live like I am thin and healthy, eat like I am thin and healthy and then guess what - I will BE thin and healthy!!! I am really glad I spotted that sneaky, backwards thinking. So from now on when I am about to eat something that I don't really want or when I am tempted to just sit by and wait for my goal to come to me I will stop and act. I am going to be more conscious and aware and I am going to live. I am going to move towards my goal and not wait for it to magically get here. I am going to do it. I am such a rambler, huh? I wonder if anyone else can even make sense out of what I am saying. Well I get it, at least :)

One more point for Cara - Yay me!!!