Weigh-In Day

Hello :) Today is weigh in day and, shockingly, I am here writing my post. My weight this morning is 172.48 lbs. That means I have lost 4.18 lbs this week. I know not to expect this normally, but it was still a nice surprise. Just like Sarah said in a comment to one of my posts "It is amazing how your body can thank you for eating right". Anyway that is it for now. I have a pretty busy day ahead of me and I better get moving. I will be back soon though. I am really happy to be back on track and I plan to keep it going.

Bye for now,

Shredding

I did it!!! Day one of the 30 Day Shred, I mean. I was thinking of joining Syl's October Challenge, but I wasn't sure if my DVD would be here on time.  And, to be honest, I was a little scared intimidated to join in.  I figured it would be hard, and horrible and unbearable.  Well, anyway, my copy got here yesterday.  So I started it today, and I am going to challenge myself.  It was hard, for sure, but not as hard as I was expecting.  It seems crazy that I can do this.  I remember when I was so challenged just doing the step exercise on the Wii Fit Plus.  I was so surprised when I finished it.  My 9 y.o. daughter asked why I was so excited and I said "I didn't think I would be able to do it" so she say's "You just don't give yourself enough credit".  Smarty Pants!!!  I guess she has been listening to me :)  Oh, and just so I can look back and see future improvement (on those days when I may want to quit) I have to say:
jumping jacks - Yikes!!!
push ups - Ouch!!!
and sideways, lunge-y thingies with hand weights - Raaaargh!!!  :)

Happy Friday,

Frustrated and Other Crap

Hi. I have been meaning to get on for a while and post, but I haven't for two reasons. Reason #1 is that my computer is being a huge P.I.T.A. and reason #2 is that I am in a crappy place right now. Really crappy! I hate this!!! Why do I make it so hard? I am hoping it is almost over and really trying to move myself onto my happy place :) But it feels a bit like depression. Ugh! I am sure it must mean I am going to have a huge breakthrough or something, at least that is what the tiny bit of positive thinking I have left is telling me. In the past, whenever it gets really hard it means I am working through a huge thing. So if I keep it up I will learn something and grow, right? But I am tired. I hate the struggle today. I know I am being mopey and doing this to myself. I am aware. I just really feel like it is too much. I did weigh myself on Tuesday and woohoo I gained 1.54 lbs. I am up to 186.56 lbs. It is that t.o.m. so that could explain a few things, but even a small gain is enough to really bother me when I am in the place of crap. I think this all has something to do with 20 lbs. For some reason my mind has some kind of block set up. It keeps saying things like "you can't lose 20 lbs - you never have!" or "you don't have what it takes", plus a lot more crap. I can't seem to force myself over the 20 lb mark. I have even gotten up to 21 lbs lost (between my weekly weigh-ins), but I am always back below the 20 lb mark when my weigh in day comes around. I am doing it on purpose!!!! I am sabotaging myself! Crap! Crappity crap! If there happen to be any readers out there - sorry for the depressing stuff, and also for the excessive use of the word crap :) I am sure it will be over soon. I am still not giving up, I just feel like it. Not loving the journey this week, but I still know it is so worth it, so that is something. On a much better note, I had an amazing time with my husband when we went away. I wish we could go again right now. I am going to be a good friend to myself and work through this - even if I would rather just kick my own ass. Well I am off for now. I have some plans and ideas running around in my head.

Bye for now,

2 Week Challenge - Day #8

Hello :) I almost thought I wasn't going to make it. It's a little later than usual for my post, but I made it. I actually just finished my workout. Yesterday I was feeling so into it, and then today I am having to force myself again. Whatever! I will keep it up anyway. I know that I am making progress. I can handle off days. They aren't all going to be easy after all. Some days are going to be really hard and I am going to have to push myself. But I will do it. I will keep remembering that "Self discipline is remembering what you really want". I really want to be healthy, I really want to be alive! I had to push myself, but I did it. My eating was a little off today, but I am okay with it. I did my whole workout - Yay!!! So I am off to bed. I'll be back tomorrow. I did notice that, even though I had to push myself to get up and workout, as soon as I turned the Wii on I felt relieved. It was like I had been fighting a battle with myself and I was so happy with the outcome. That is how I know that I am making progress.

Goodnight everyone,

Bumpy Road

I am having such a hard time right now. I know that this is normal and I thought I was ready for it...but I wasn't. I am soooo frustrated right now. I am angry and irritable. It does not help that it it my t.o.m. - grrrrrrr!!! I have been having some mid-sized binges lately. I say mid-sized because it wasn't as bad as it can get, but it definitely counted. I have been gaining weight one day and losing it the next. I know this because my trusty Wii Fit Plus :) tells me every morning. But who am I kidding, I already know. It is like a battle is going on inside of me. I guess there kind of is. The fat girl in me is scared to get lost and the skinny girl in me is tired of hiding. Fatty always wins! She does not play fair. It feels like every reason I have for being fat - 'cause trust me, fat works for me - is coming up and I am feeling so many things that I hate right now. I am angry at my husband for something that happened seven years ago. Ugh! Seriously, I thought I dealt with this crap already!!! I guess not. It seems like I am fat partly because I am punishing him, how messed up is that?!?!?!? It's like I am staying fat because he deserves a fat wife. How do I get past this without bringing up ancient crap I don't even want to think about? Any ideas? Just kidding - I know I have to figure it out by myself. That is part of the journey, I guess! And I WILL figure it out. Because I am sick and tired of giving up. I am not starting again. This is it! No excuses! I can do this, I will! If tomorrow brings another gain I will just get rid of it again. It's hard right now, but even already on this journey I have felt such good feelings that I know it is going to be worth it. Definitely worth it in the end :)

Hope your journey is easier than mine today :) Happy Friday!