So, Here's The Deal......

I really, really want to eat.  A lot.
A lot of stuff, I mean.
Ugh!!!
It is terrible. 
This feeling I get sometimes that I am helpless?  Or that I'm a passenger. 
Just watching out the window. 
See the train wreck? :) 
Anyway, it is getting old.
I have done a remarkable amount of backsliding in a really short amount of time.
I feel like JUNK!!! Seriously!
Really, really terrible. I have been eating the worst things, awful stuff.
The worst part is that I do not even enjoy this junk anymore yet I am still eating, eating, eating... 
I am going to weigh myself tomorrow and post my weight here.
No matter how scary it is :)
I am going to weigh myself every day and I am going to start posting it again weekly until I reach my goal.
I am going to get serious. Seriously! :)
I will be back tomorrow with my weight and some new goals to get me started again.
Today I was thinking about this journey and how ready I am to be at my goal. 
I was going to plan my resolution and give the New Year a great start. 
And then I thought - Why wait? 
Why not just start right now. 
So I am. 

'Til tomorrow,

STOP!!!

I am having trouble right now.
I am annoyed just writing those words and I am so not in the mood to even talk about it.  I am angry!  Seriously, just completely tired of this merry go round.  I hate it!  A lot!
So, you may wonder why I am writing then.  I am writing because it crossed my mind earlier that I could just skip my weigh in on Tuesday, and nobody would even know.  It wouldn't really matter.  Anyone reading my blog will only know what I tell them, right?  One time.  I can skip it one time and it will be okay.
And when I realized what I was thinking it scared me. Thankfully, I am writing.  Because that little voice is really sneaky and she almost had me convinced, but I am not lying to myself anymore.  I am not a liar, so the fact that I was considering it said a lot to me.  It made me stop!  That girl inside me, the fat one, the scared one?  She is pretty desperate right now.  And she should be!  Because she is losing.
I am going to post this and I am going to hold myself accountable.  I made bad decisions this week.  Really, really bad ones!  I almost threw in the towel.
But here is what I did differently.
I stopped!
I am taking a breather, and I am really thinking about what I plan to do.  I can eat and I can be the victim and I can lie to everyone or I can stop and choose better.  That's it!
I do not want to post this.  It is a mess, and I know my weigh in on Tuesday will probably be a train wreck, but I am stopping now.  I am not going to journey around that 'crazy circle' again! :)  I will be honest and own up and move on.
I will not give this negativity any more power.
I am learning something here :)
I don't need the lesson repeated.
I will do this!

Bye for now,