Weird!

I know I have a post in this head somewhere and I am going to type until it comes out :)

I have been noticing a huge difference in the way people treat me lately. Does this happen to you too? I feel like everyone around me is treating me differently. Some people seem to think I am some sort of 'Diet Guru' or something, and they want to know my "secret". I hate this! Not because I don't want to be helpful, but because it seems like no matter what I say it is always the opposite of helpful.

If I start talking about positive thinking and visualizing I can seriously see their eyes glazing over. I am sure I sound like a crazy person and the conversation is almost always uncomfortable.

I have had people tell me that I look really good, but kind of in an accusatory way. If that makes sense. Some try to explain to me why it is harder for them to do it, almost like I am judging them - which I would never do! I still feel the same inside, but I am treated SO differently. It is a little surreal.

I am sure everyone that is losing weight deals with this, but it is not at all like I expected it to be. I thought that everyone around me would be happy for me and supportive, and a lot are. But some people seem to be really uncomfortable around me now. It makes me feel bad sometimes.

It just occurred to me that the old Cara would use this as an excuse to quit. Something like "hey, you are drawing attention to yourself", or "you are making people uncomfortable, you should stop". I will not! But I wish that I was better at dealing with these changes. It seems like right now my body is changing faster than my mind or something.

I still have self esteem issues, shocking I know :) I feel like the fat girl and everyone is treating me like I am someone else, it is hard to wrap my head around. I usually feel like I am stumbling along, and making it up as I go and suddenly I am treated like I have all the answers. Weird!

Well, that's it for now I guess. I almost feel like I am being mean or something if I post this. But it is where I am at right now, so it is getting posted.

Happy Saturday :)

I Am The Boss, So There, Cookie :P

Okay. Hello :) I am writing because I would rather be eating! No biggie really, except that it is. I was doing amazing!  Super-fantastically amazing!!!  Up until my high calorie Sunday. 
You may remember me mentioning it here. 
Usually if I do this it helps me to get a jump on losing weight again.  Kind of like a kick start or something, plus I get to eat, so of course I like it ;)  It always works for me.  The trick is not letting my high calorie day turn into a high calorie month! 
I am eating more than I should be.  It is way less than I used to eat, and I am still not going crazy, but it feels like a problem so I don't want to let it get out of hand. 
I am noticing patterns that keep popping up.  I usually like to trip myself up when I am doing too well :)  That's how I roll! 
Well, enough is enough!  I no longer accept this!  Tonight I have eaten some crappy stuff and I have done the whole 'argue with myself, lose said argument, eat something crappy routine' a few times.  I am sure you've been here.  Anyway, just now I was thinking, as I have done many (many, many, many) times in the past, "you already screwed up, you may as well just go with it!". 
Then I stopped! 
I am calling a halt. 
I do not accept this! 
This is no longer me.  I matter more than this, and I won't be sucked back in again.  I will not let a cookie - or whatever, be the boss of me :)  I am kind of tired of coming down this road over and over again.  Maybe I should take the road less traveled :)  There is a lesson I need to learn here, though, obviously. 
Maybe this is it.  I just know that I am really happy that I was able to stop.  I will say that this is a victory.  I can stop, I know this now.  I know that just because it feels like I am out of control - it doesn't mean that I am! 
I am the boss, so there, cookie :P
 *Note to self - write, write, write and write some more.  It helps!!!

Bye for now,

Shredding

I did it!!! Day one of the 30 Day Shred, I mean. I was thinking of joining Syl's October Challenge, but I wasn't sure if my DVD would be here on time.  And, to be honest, I was a little scared intimidated to join in.  I figured it would be hard, and horrible and unbearable.  Well, anyway, my copy got here yesterday.  So I started it today, and I am going to challenge myself.  It was hard, for sure, but not as hard as I was expecting.  It seems crazy that I can do this.  I remember when I was so challenged just doing the step exercise on the Wii Fit Plus.  I was so surprised when I finished it.  My 9 y.o. daughter asked why I was so excited and I said "I didn't think I would be able to do it" so she say's "You just don't give yourself enough credit".  Smarty Pants!!!  I guess she has been listening to me :)  Oh, and just so I can look back and see future improvement (on those days when I may want to quit) I have to say:
jumping jacks - Yikes!!!
push ups - Ouch!!!
and sideways, lunge-y thingies with hand weights - Raaaargh!!!  :)

Happy Friday,

Weigh-In Day

Happy Tuesday :)
Here it is, weigh in day, again. Always a much nicer day when I am on track:) I expected a loss this week, because I am doing so well food-wise. But I did not expect the number I got. I am not sure how it is possible, but today's weight is 185.68 lbs!!! That is a loss of 4.18 lbs. this week. That is just crazy! And not recommended, I know. But I am still happy about it. I am back on track and it feels good :) Really, really good! I know that I am not doing anything crazy or drastic, so I will take the loss this week and be happy about it. I also know not to expect a loss like this, but when it happens it really feels good. I was just calculating my loss so far and I realized that I am almost a quarter of the way to my goal. That is so exciting!!! Exactly a quarter of my goal is 18.525 lbs. lost and I am at 18.4 lbs. lost. WOW!!! I only have to do what I have already done three more times. When I told my sister that she seemed to think it was a huge task, but I know I can do this. I know it! It was hard sometimes, and I am aware that it will be hard again, especially when I get closer to my goal. But I can so do this! She also thought it was crazy that I am excited about being overweight soon :) I know it sounds crazy. But I mean that soon I will no longer be obese. Yay, yay, yay!!! I have lost three points on my B.M.I. and in no time I am going to be overweight, and never see obese again. Which is good, because I have really come to hate that word. Every time I weigh myself on the Wii Fit Plus it says "that's obese", ummmm thanks for the info but do you think I didn't know that? I swear it says it with a bitchy, judgmental attitude as well ;) I cannot wait until it tells me I am overweight. I am going to celebrate! Okay, now that I am sounding extra crazy I will end my post. Can't let all the crazy out at once :) But maybe some of you know what I am talking about?

Bye for now,