Sunday, March 6, 2011

It Feels Like A Hug!

I was thinking, recently, about how hard it is sometimes to actually feel all of these things I am going through.  You know, working through it all instead of hiding from it?  But then I stopped and thought it through.  Is it really harder?  It may sound harder to actually deal with my baggage.  To work through it step by step.  But it feels kind of like a hug!  Before when things got uncomfortable, I turned away from them.  I pushed them down, mainly with food.  I didn't let them out.  I held everything in and I created a feeling of shame.  Unnecessary!  I remember a time from my childhood.  I was around 13 or 15 and I was dealing with a very difficult situation.  I was scared and confused.  I asked someone very important to talk with me.  I asked for help and she said "Cara, just drop it!".  I think I have been doing this ever since, dropping it!  I think I learned pretty early that if something is difficult or scary you just ignore it.  I ignored so many things that it got to be a job, it was work trying to hide from all that uncomfortable stuff.  I created a monster out of it.  A monster that would lurk in the silence, waiting to pounce if ever I was idle.  Hiding from that guy is hard work, all consuming!  Now what I am doing.  Actually working through it all.  That feels like a hug!  Really!  Because it is like saying to that girl inside of me.  "I want to hear you, you are important.  You are loved!  Your feelings matter!"  I am a good friend :)

Bye for now,

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