I hear birds chirping outside my window right now, and that makes me so happy :) Spring is coming!!! I can feel it. Yay!
I am writing because I feel the need. Who knows what I want to say, I know that there is a lot of stuff going on inside me right now. I am working through the usual garbage, but I seem to have a block. I know that when I work my way around it, or over it, or through it that I will feel better. I just need to work it through. Soooo here I sit, writing.
My thoughts are frustrated and disjointed, I hate this feeling. It is like I am a little disconnected, or something. I am feeling a little agitated.
I wonder if maybe the problem is, that there is no problem? Does that even make any sense? Things are going really well, when I let them. I am eating properly-ish ;) I think I am at the point in the journey where I have to make some serious decisions. Do I really want to lose any more weight? Obviously, right? But what I mean is, do I really want it? I want to be healthy, I love how great I feel as I lose the weight. I love that I feel more whole. I am accepting things about me that I didn't even like to recognize before. I Love me - I have come a very long way.
So I am thinking that maybe the problem is this: I don't have one! I don't have the urgent need to lose weight now, I know that I am the only thing holding me back. This journey is only as hard as I choose to make it. So when the urgency is gone and the excitement, how do I keep going? Could that be it. I am just a drama queen at heart and I need the distractions? Hmmmmm - very possibly.
I decided when I started this journey that I was going to keep on going "No Matter What!". Soooooo I won't be quitting, at all, but I am wondering if I am creating a problem because I am used to the turmoil. Sneaky, sneaky :) If anyone has made it this far through my jumbled thoughts - What do you think? It makes sense to me. I plan to keep writing it out until it all makes sense. So if you enjoy crazy ramblings and lots (and lots, and lots) of over-analyzing stay tuned!
Bye for now,
I'm Not Sure I Can Do This
4 days ago