Stress or Why Isn't This Cookie Helping?!?!?!?

So I have been dealing a lot with that 's' word over the last week or so. It may be apparent from my weigh in day :) I actually feel like I probably should have gained, so a maintain was a little bit of a surprise. I have really been letting things get to me. I have really been letting stress rule me. It sucks - A LOT!!! I have been a little bit of a basket case, possibly a raging case of PMS ;) But, YIKES!!! - enough already! I am not exercising like I should, I am not eating like I should, and, wouldn't you know it, I feel like crap because of it. Shocker, I know. It has been so long since I allowed stress to rule me that it kind of blindsided me this time. GRRRRRRRR!!!! So, in the spirit of moving on here is what I have learned. Food is, apparently, no longer my drug of choice. Huh. Is that even possible? It really feels that way. It just doesn't seem to make me feel better anymore. Believe me, this week has definitely tested the theory - and I tried valiantly to stuff my emotions at times. I cannot eat anywhere near as much as I used to and feel at all OK. It didn't make me feel better at all, on any level. This is good, I am sure of it. But also strange. No??? Before I could eat until it made me feel sick and strangely it felt as though I had accomplished something, because the food soothed me. Now, I don't even get the temporary good feeling. I am not trapped in a vicious, horrible cycle. Not anymore! I cannot do it anymore - I actually hate doing this to myself! I feel better when I eat better and I am fully aware of this as I am stuffing my face. It really feels like I am so over the unhealthy, binge-type eating. I am moving on, I am choosing to do better right now, even though I don't necessarily want to;) But, I thought it was remarkable that food seems to be slowly losing it's hold over me. I am not under it's control anymore! Amazing! I am taking this new knowledge with me as I continue on my journey. I am doing an amazing job and I acknowledge that. This setback is over and I am taking the advice of Keelie at Real Fat and pulling up my big girl panties ;) I will say that the stress has hit me harder because I don't have my old best pal to comfort me - but guess what, I am working it out, and I am dealing. I have learned a lot about me this week - so even though my weight was a maintain and I did really bad on so many levels, I will be happy that I am learning to cope without my crutch. - Go, Cara, Go!!!

Bye for now,

Bumpy Road

I am having such a hard time right now. I know that this is normal and I thought I was ready for it...but I wasn't. I am soooo frustrated right now. I am angry and irritable. It does not help that it it my t.o.m. - grrrrrrr!!! I have been having some mid-sized binges lately. I say mid-sized because it wasn't as bad as it can get, but it definitely counted. I have been gaining weight one day and losing it the next. I know this because my trusty Wii Fit Plus :) tells me every morning. But who am I kidding, I already know. It is like a battle is going on inside of me. I guess there kind of is. The fat girl in me is scared to get lost and the skinny girl in me is tired of hiding. Fatty always wins! She does not play fair. It feels like every reason I have for being fat - 'cause trust me, fat works for me - is coming up and I am feeling so many things that I hate right now. I am angry at my husband for something that happened seven years ago. Ugh! Seriously, I thought I dealt with this crap already!!! I guess not. It seems like I am fat partly because I am punishing him, how messed up is that?!?!?!? It's like I am staying fat because he deserves a fat wife. How do I get past this without bringing up ancient crap I don't even want to think about? Any ideas? Just kidding - I know I have to figure it out by myself. That is part of the journey, I guess! And I WILL figure it out. Because I am sick and tired of giving up. I am not starting again. This is it! No excuses! I can do this, I will! If tomorrow brings another gain I will just get rid of it again. It's hard right now, but even already on this journey I have felt such good feelings that I know it is going to be worth it. Definitely worth it in the end :)

Hope your journey is easier than mine today :) Happy Friday!