My Belt Is Not My Friend

My pants are uncomfortably tight and my belt is not my friend :( 
This is not going to be a problem.
It is a wake up call. A reminder. A friendly kick in the butt :)
Get moving! Now!
Get.
Moving.  
Now.
Do not wait, do not let it slide any more, pay attention! 
So I am.
I am paying attention. 
I see what is happening.  I see how I am letting all of my old bad habits and behaviours slide in, take over. 
I am slipping back to before.  Correction, I was slipping.  Now?  Now I am paying attention :)
I read over some of my posts from last year and I am going to keep doing it.  I need to take a refresher course. 
I am full of thoughts and plans and excitement. 
I am planning on posting more often and getting back to the basics. 
Back to what works for me. 
This is it for right now. 
My pants are tight, I don't like how it feels, and there you have it....blog post!!!  :)
But, seriously, I want to remember how it feels to backslide.  Even a little bit.  It feels really crappy!!!
Pretty darn crappy, indeed!
So, enough of that :)

Bye for now,

GRRRRR!!!

I am thinking of shutting my blog down, or making it private, or taking some other drastic action right now.  So, I will probably give it some time, cool off, and then decide what to do.  The day after my last post I went to sign in to my blog and was told that Google had shut me down because they didn't believe I was older than 13.  They said I had changed my birthday (I didn't), so I am a little concerned that someone else may have had access to my account.   It has taken me all this time to get the situation straightened out.  There have been a couple of other issues, mainly a spammy comment situation that had me worried, and right now I am not feeling too confident about this blogging thing :)  Anyway, I just wanted to post about where I, and my blog, have been.  It was really upsetting to think that all of the posts I had written and all of my tracking was gone.  On another note I have been keeping track of my weight and I am maintaining.  I am pretty sure I will be back but for right now....grrrrrr!!! :)

Bye for now,

I Was Scared

Hello :)
In my last post I mentioned that I was going to weigh myself on Tuesday and that I was going to start my weekly weigh-ins again until I reach my goal.
I wasn't lying, I had every intention of weighing myself on Tuesday. 
But then Tuesday came and I was.......scared!!!   I was scared to step on that stupid thing and post my weight here again and it felt like a big. huge. deal. 
Silly me :)  Sometimes that side of me still takes over, I guess know. 
So, because I really do want to get moving again I just stepped on the scale this morning.  For some reason just doing that one little thing makes me feel more powerful. 
When I do not weigh in it is because I am worried, nervous, doubtful, anxious, scared, etc., etc., etc. 
So just the act of stepping on the scale is like taking back some of the control. 
Whether the number is a good one - you know what I mean :) - or a bad one, I have faced it and I am not just wondering.  For me it is always a step forward.
So, needless to say, I am happy I did it. 
Now I feel like I am aware, and I have a new start, and I am ready to move again! 
I am up about 2 lbs. from my absolute lowest (my crazy head had me convinced it was more like 15 lbs.) 
My official weight this morning is 148.52 lbs. 
Tuesday I will post my weight on my chart and I am not letting my fear stop me.
You know if this journey wasn't so consuming and frustrating it would really be quite fascinating.  I am figuring out so much about myself and I am actually amazed sometimes with the things I learn. 
Anyway, that's it for today :)

Bye for now,

Here I Go Again!!!

Hello :)
In the last month I have started many posts and not finished them.  I guess I have writer's block :)
I have been figuring some stuff out and maintaining my weight (with a little self-sabotage here and there). 
I really feel like I know myself like I never have before. I am really aware now. This makes some days hard, because I know that I am the main cause of my difficulties. But, in general every day is getting better and I am realizing more and more that I was in control all along.
I do have power and I am ready to get going again!!! 
I have realized that on the days I struggle it is usually because I am making things harder than they have to be.  If I stick to the basics and do simple things it all flows smoothly and I move along.  When I try to make huge changes and shake things up, or if I am hard on myself, I don't move at all. 
I am going to start reading back over some of my earlier post and begin again with the basics :)  I'll put my money where my mouth is and take some of my own advice!  It got me this far! 
I have a feeling that I am 'struggling' now because once I have gotten to my goal - then what?!?!?! 
I have to reassess my goals, come up with some new ones and get this bus moving again. 
I am more than ready to get going.
So far the plan is to start back up with my weekly weigh-ins.  I think it is time.  I will stick with Tuesdays, why not?  So next Tuesday will be weigh in day and I will keep it up until I reach my goal.
If I come up with any more plans I will keep you posted but for now it is going to be to keep it simple, be a great friend to myself, and just do it.

Bye for now,

Progress Pics - 50 lbs. Lost!!! :)

Hi again :)

I kept meaning to put progress pics up when I lost 40 lbs. and I never ended up doing it. 
I am not skipping it this time!  I have officially lost 50 lbs!!!  I am so excited! 
I have made it almost 75% of the way to my goal and as of this morning I only need to lose 18.94 lbs. to get there. 
WOW!!! 
It almost seems unbelievable to me. 

Anyway here are some pics:

 My daughter says I am making a weird face in this one, she's right :)

I am feeling really great! 

Kind of all brand new, and I like it :)  

I know that I am doing this and I know that I am going to be at my goal soon.  

It feels really nice.

So Excited!!!

I am really excited right now!
I have had a pretty long and difficult summer and I am still working through some stuff.  Hard stuff! But I am doing really well with my weight loss, and that is amazing!
In the old days when I was in any sort of emotional discomfort my weight would reflect that - and not in a good way! 
I have been feeling pretty low for the last few months and I am still sticking to my goals.  I still mess up, but in general I have stuck to it.  This is huge!!!
And it is paying off!
Last night I got into my wedding dress, and zipped it up!  I was shocked! 
That has been a goal of mine ever since I started gaining this weight, and I did it!
Then I weighed myself this morning and finally, finally, the Wii said my weight was NORMAL!!!
I have been waiting for this day since I first stepped on that balance board and was told that I was obese.  I did it!!!
I know that I haven't been blogging a lot and I know that I have been stumbling, I almost didn't post this because I hate it to seem like I only write when I am happy with my weight.
But I am excited and happy and I like the feeling. 
I am going to keep it going!
I really do want to dig into some of the crap that I was dealing with this summer and I do want to write a post about depression, but today I am excited.
So this is it :)

Bye for now,

My Picture NSV :)

Hi :) Wow, it has been a while since I've posted.
I have so many things going on right now but I am basically just living. As boring as that sounds :)
I do have a big post swirling around in my head. I want to share some of my thoughts on depression and let you know what I've been up to. I also want to update my weight and get this bus moving again :)
But not today! Today I just want to share a really important, to me, NSV.
My husband and I celebrated our twelfth wedding anniversary this weekend. On Saturday my daughter took our picture and it is the first picture I have liked of us, well of me really, since our wedding day.
That was a pretty big deal. It feels really nice :)
I am officially at fifty pounds lost now.  So I am going to take a picture and update. 
I am ready to get moving again :) 
I thought I would share my NSV pic with you guys, I didn't ask my husband if he minded, so don't tell him ;)

Have a great day!