Ready :)

Alrighty, I am officially updated:)
I have my weekly weigh-in posted, I updated my tracker, I am ready to go.
Oh, yeah, I did my Ticker too. I do have to admit that I winced a little when my Ticker jumped from 16.5 lbs left up to 22.7, but I am going to keep it real :)
Still feeling good!
I really had to drag myself into it this time, and fake it for a while.
But it is paying off, everyday I am a little more in control again, a little more confident, a little more......ready :)
That's all for tonight, still feeling groovy :)
Bye for now,

I Was Scared

Hello :)
In my last post I mentioned that I was going to weigh myself on Tuesday and that I was going to start my weekly weigh-ins again until I reach my goal.
I wasn't lying, I had every intention of weighing myself on Tuesday. 
But then Tuesday came and I was.......scared!!!   I was scared to step on that stupid thing and post my weight here again and it felt like a big. huge. deal. 
Silly me :)  Sometimes that side of me still takes over, I guess know. 
So, because I really do want to get moving again I just stepped on the scale this morning.  For some reason just doing that one little thing makes me feel more powerful. 
When I do not weigh in it is because I am worried, nervous, doubtful, anxious, scared, etc., etc., etc. 
So just the act of stepping on the scale is like taking back some of the control. 
Whether the number is a good one - you know what I mean :) - or a bad one, I have faced it and I am not just wondering.  For me it is always a step forward.
So, needless to say, I am happy I did it. 
Now I feel like I am aware, and I have a new start, and I am ready to move again! 
I am up about 2 lbs. from my absolute lowest (my crazy head had me convinced it was more like 15 lbs.) 
My official weight this morning is 148.52 lbs. 
Tuesday I will post my weight on my chart and I am not letting my fear stop me.
You know if this journey wasn't so consuming and frustrating it would really be quite fascinating.  I am figuring out so much about myself and I am actually amazed sometimes with the things I learn. 
Anyway, that's it for today :)

Bye for now,

Here I Go Again!!!

Hello :)
In the last month I have started many posts and not finished them.  I guess I have writer's block :)
I have been figuring some stuff out and maintaining my weight (with a little self-sabotage here and there). 
I really feel like I know myself like I never have before. I am really aware now. This makes some days hard, because I know that I am the main cause of my difficulties. But, in general every day is getting better and I am realizing more and more that I was in control all along.
I do have power and I am ready to get going again!!! 
I have realized that on the days I struggle it is usually because I am making things harder than they have to be.  If I stick to the basics and do simple things it all flows smoothly and I move along.  When I try to make huge changes and shake things up, or if I am hard on myself, I don't move at all. 
I am going to start reading back over some of my earlier post and begin again with the basics :)  I'll put my money where my mouth is and take some of my own advice!  It got me this far! 
I have a feeling that I am 'struggling' now because once I have gotten to my goal - then what?!?!?! 
I have to reassess my goals, come up with some new ones and get this bus moving again. 
I am more than ready to get going.
So far the plan is to start back up with my weekly weigh-ins.  I think it is time.  I will stick with Tuesdays, why not?  So next Tuesday will be weigh in day and I will keep it up until I reach my goal.
If I come up with any more plans I will keep you posted but for now it is going to be to keep it simple, be a great friend to myself, and just do it.

Bye for now,

Feeling Great :)

I have been feeling really great this week. This is also the week I gave up junk food. Coincidence??? I think not! I am so glad that I gave up  the junk for a week. I actually forgot about it until I looked at the calendar and realized  that today was my last 'no junk food' day. It gets so easy to say no to all of the extra crap after just a day or so. I stopped missing it and forgot I was in the middle of a challenge. No sugar headaches this week and best of all I feel really great!!!  Did I mention that already? ;)  I am just posting this as a reminder to myself of how easy it is to kick the junk habit.  It was crazy-easy and I feel better, I do not plan to let the habit take over again.  Maybe I will just cut sugar out entirely, eventually, but for now it feels good to take the control away from the sugar monster who is lurking inside of me.  Anyway that's it for today, I'll be back tomorrow for weigh in day. 

Happy Monday!

Stress or Why Isn't This Cookie Helping?!?!?!?

So I have been dealing a lot with that 's' word over the last week or so. It may be apparent from my weigh in day :) I actually feel like I probably should have gained, so a maintain was a little bit of a surprise. I have really been letting things get to me. I have really been letting stress rule me. It sucks - A LOT!!! I have been a little bit of a basket case, possibly a raging case of PMS ;) But, YIKES!!! - enough already! I am not exercising like I should, I am not eating like I should, and, wouldn't you know it, I feel like crap because of it. Shocker, I know. It has been so long since I allowed stress to rule me that it kind of blindsided me this time. GRRRRRRRR!!!! So, in the spirit of moving on here is what I have learned. Food is, apparently, no longer my drug of choice. Huh. Is that even possible? It really feels that way. It just doesn't seem to make me feel better anymore. Believe me, this week has definitely tested the theory - and I tried valiantly to stuff my emotions at times. I cannot eat anywhere near as much as I used to and feel at all OK. It didn't make me feel better at all, on any level. This is good, I am sure of it. But also strange. No??? Before I could eat until it made me feel sick and strangely it felt as though I had accomplished something, because the food soothed me. Now, I don't even get the temporary good feeling. I am not trapped in a vicious, horrible cycle. Not anymore! I cannot do it anymore - I actually hate doing this to myself! I feel better when I eat better and I am fully aware of this as I am stuffing my face. It really feels like I am so over the unhealthy, binge-type eating. I am moving on, I am choosing to do better right now, even though I don't necessarily want to;) But, I thought it was remarkable that food seems to be slowly losing it's hold over me. I am not under it's control anymore! Amazing! I am taking this new knowledge with me as I continue on my journey. I am doing an amazing job and I acknowledge that. This setback is over and I am taking the advice of Keelie at Real Fat and pulling up my big girl panties ;) I will say that the stress has hit me harder because I don't have my old best pal to comfort me - but guess what, I am working it out, and I am dealing. I have learned a lot about me this week - so even though my weight was a maintain and I did really bad on so many levels, I will be happy that I am learning to cope without my crutch. - Go, Cara, Go!!!

Bye for now,

A Little Freak Out!

Okay, Grrrrrr!!! I am FREAKING OUT!!! Ever since my sister asked if I wanted to do the challenge for the month of June I have felt a little out of control. I don't think I am doing really badly or anything, but I can't seem to maintain my focus. I am doing okay, but I have to work harder at it since we started this. She told me she has already lost 2 lbs. and my husband is sure that is why I am struggling. He is sure she is trying to make me lose confidence. I don't really agree. I am not sure what it is, and I am not giving anyone the power to make me lose confidence. Whether I win or lose or whether I gain or lose it is all on me. I am choosing to do this and if I give up I will be choosing to do that. So why am I freaking out? Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have been hiding for so long? Huh! Maybe it is as simple as that. Maybe I just don't ever give myself permission to get out there and be myself and try new things. So now I am just feeling a bit uncomfortable with the exposure? Does that make sense??? I guess in that case this could be a really great thing for me. I want to learn how to be out there. I want to be comfortable, so I guess this is a good step. OK, so, that's enough freaking out then. I can be focused........okay I will make an effort anyway :) Blogging has really been helping me. Even when I am not blogging myself I am reading all of the other amazing blogs out there. I am so glad I finally just did it. Hey, I guess starting this blog was a way that I really put myself out there. DUH!!! :) I guess if I am doing this the challenge with my sister should be a piece of cake. Okay, so get on with it already! So many times all I have to do is start typing and I figure something out. I feel like I am rambling again. I am going to make sure to write down everything I eat from now on. I know that I do better when I do this, and it is just silly not to take advantage of all the tools I have. Especially ones that I know work for me. I definitely feel better now. So here is my plan of action:

1) Write down everything I eat
2) CHILL OUT!!!
3) blog, blog, blog

Simple, huh?

Happy Friday everyone :)

P.S. I wrote 'piece of cake' and didn't think 'Hey, I want a piece of cake!' - I am truly amazing...LOL!!!

I AM a Super-Star!!!

Today I am amazed with me :) I had pizza last night, and I did not lose control! That is AMAZING!!! You should know that I LOVE pizza - among other things :) I mean I love it a lot, a whole lot. My husband suggested it for dinner and I was a little worried about how excited I was. The amazing part is that when I realized I was getting too excited about dinner, I stopped and thought. I have never had that much control before. Or, I mean, I have never let myself have that much control before ;) It was a very good feeling. I didn't let myself lose control, I just planned ahead. While my husband went to pick up the pizza I made myself a salad and I committed to having just two pieces. And GUESS WHAT, I ate my salad and then I only had two pieces. That is unheard of around here. Yay me!!! Then after supper we went for a walk! Yeah, I feel a little bit like a super-star, LOL! Whenever I used to have one of my trigger foods I would have a whole inner dialogue going on where my inner sabotager would say things like: "You know you are going to fall off the wagon eventually, you may as well have all the pizza you want now" or "When it's gone you are going to regret not having more", plus a tonne of other bitchy and mean things. I could go on and on and on. It felt really good not to have to listen to her last night. It was a really good example of how I am changing. It isn't just the number on the scale, my whole mindset is undergoing a huge change. I am really happy and glad that I am remembering to congratulate myself for all of the little triumphs along the way :)

Have a great weekend!!!