No More 'Spinning Tires', I'm Ready To 'Kick Up Some Mud'!!!

A while ago someone asked me if people from my 'real life' read my blog and if it influenced my writing. My answer was no. As far as I am aware nobody that I actually know reads my blog.  And I didn't think it would influence my writing if they did.

But I was wrong!

I am still not sure if anyone I 'know' reads, but I now know that my writing is influenced by my readers.

It has to be!

Because if I wasn't influenced by what my readers may think I would be posting a lot more. I would post more of the struggle, the way I did in the beginning.
The way I intended to post all along.  I would journal this whole journey - good and bad -  and I would let it all out.

I started this blog for me. I used it to sort out my feelings and issues where food is concerned and I used it to learn more about myself and grow. I left it open for others to read and I even mention it to people in my life. But I never really cared if anyone read or not.
I figured if they did that was good and fine, but ultimately this was for me.

Now I feel like I am being a downer if I post my garbage.  I feel like I should only post certain things.
This is a problem!

I am either going to do this or I am not. I obviously have to do it the way that works for me, so I have to continue this journey the way I started it.
I think that I must have been using this as an excuse for a while now.  Something like "Don't post this, nobody wants to read this", so instead I remain silent and (shockingly) I am not making any progress.

I need to get back to basics.  I need to get back to what works for me! 
It really occurred to me the other day that I can either have excuses or I can have results.  I am so tired of the excuses!

I am working through a lot of things right now and I need to write them out.  I am feeling a bit uncentered and out of control.  Like I don't know where to head next, and I want to work these things through.
I am tired of sitting here with my tires spinning!  So, I guess, I am going to kick up some mud and get myself out of this rut! :)

I do want to say that I love all of my readers and supporters and I have been more inspired by you guys than you will ever know.  So please understand, if I get depressing or moody, I am not doing it to bring anyone down.  I am doing it to work it through and get it out.  I feel like this is what works for me, and I am ready to move on now.

Oh, and if anyone stuck through this post 'til the end, thanks :)  I am sure it was a bit rambly and incoherent, but that's where I'm at right now I guess :)

I will be back tomorrow to update my weekly weigh in chart and start fresh.  Weigh-in Day is Tuesday and I am so ready to start year two of this journey!

Bye for now,

Slacking Off!!!

I am being such a slacker. I did not post my weight on Tuesday. I do not want to make this a habit. Keeping this blog going is very important to me. Lately I have been doing the bare minimum to keep it going and I am not okay with that. I will not miss posting my weight anymore. I will start posting more. I am doing pretty well right now. But I am not feeling the fire as much. You know? That feeling that keeps you going and feeling inspired. I am not feeling it as much and so I slack off. I am still losing - slowly. But I know that I can do better.  I am starting to get back into it again, recognizing the progress I have made so far.  I am so close to 30 lbs lost and that amazes me.  I am wearing my engagement ring and my wedding band again.  Yay!!!  I am able to try clothes on in the regular section of the store - which is awesome, but a little overwhelming.  I am happier!  The last one is the most important of course.  I am going to spend some time being grateful and accepting myself.  I know that I will achieve my goals.  I plan on focusing on me again.  Hey, look at that - I can feel the excitement coming back!  Every time I post I feel it again a little more, and so, since I am not a dummy, I will post more.  Whatever I think or feel or really anything at all that keeps me going, I will be putting up here.  I am ready to get moving again.  Oh yeah my weight on Tuesday was 177.10 lbs.  I have three more to go until I am at 30 lost - Yay!!! 
Happy Thanksgiving to all of my American bloggy friends :)

Bye for now,

2 Week Challenge - Day #7

Happy Friday everyone :) I am feeling a little bit fabulous today, and I am so very glad! I am so happy that I have been keeping up with my workouts and healthy eating plan. It has reinforced that I can do it, even if I don't feel like it. I noticed last night when I was doing my crunches (60/day for my challenge - remember??) that I can feel my stomach muscles!!!! Lately I have been getting off track because I was feeling unmotivated and maybe I was waiting for that feeling to come back. It was so silly of me. I need to choose to be motivated and I have to choose to do the best things for myself. This challenge has already been a gift to me. I have reinforced that I can bring that feeling of motivation and excitement back by just doing it!!! By exercising and eating healthier, even when I didn't feel like it, I am starting to feel great again. I am being motivated because I really like how I feel when I take care of myself! Every once in a while, when I am not getting "rewarded" (things like having someone notice, or the scale being nice) I slip back into bad behaviors. This challenge has gotten me into it again. I am feeling rewarded from my own hard work and I know I am in charge of how amazing I feel. It is a good thing I haven't given myself a time limit this time :) I will get there when I am ready. I am tired of this self-imposed prison sentence. I am ready to be free. It isn't even only the weight. It is my attitude. Or, I should say, it is mostly my attitude. I had this feeling for the longest time that life would begin when I got to my goal. I was so wrong. Life is happening all around me, and I just have to live it. I can be involved or not, I am the only one putting restrictions on me. I have been choosing to live lately and it is so nice. I am not all the way there for sure, but I really feel like this time I am headed in the right direction. I really recommend challenging yourself, it has been a huge eye opener for me. It has reinforced what I already know and also given me a bigger sense of control over my future. I can and will create the life I want. I am doing it every day and I am loving it. Hopefully I am out of my slump for a while, but even if I feel slumpy again:) - I will keep on going. Because it is so worth it and I am too!

I am sticking with yesterday's affirmation for today, it's a good one :) But if you would really like to be inspired go and check out the newest post at 266 - it is amazing and so inspiring!

Bye for now

Weigh-In Day

I am feeling really great. I am so much more aware of my whole body - already!!! I usually get to this point and then I start feeling too cocky or something and everything falls apart. I am watchful right now, looking ahead for those traps that usually trip me up on this familiar journey. I refuse to be sidetracked. There are no excuses this time, I am ready to LIVE my life. I have been reading a few blogs out there and I am SO inspired. It feels like there is a whole community of friends out there who I can look to for support when I am having a tough time. I officially started tracking this weight loss endeavor :) last Tuesday, April 13th. So my official start weight was 204.1 lbs. and my B.M.I. was 34.01. I have been weighing myself each day because I am using Wii fit plus, but I am only going to keep track of my weekly weight here. So since today is officially one week I can log my new weight, it is 198.2 lbs. and my B.M.I. is 33.09. I am sure that it must be water weight, and that I cannot really expect to see a loss like this again, but WOW!!! It was really nice to see the number actually getting smaller. I have taken a before picture and I plan to post it as soon as my computer and camera decide to play nice again or whenever I remember to print it out, so soon-ish :) I am planning on taking pics every ten pounds along the way, is this too many?? Okay, well I am off to begin another fabulous week.

Happy Tuesday everyone :)