I am annoyed just writing those words and I am so not in the mood to even talk about it. I am angry! Seriously, just completely tired of this merry go round. I hate it! A lot!
So, you may wonder why I am writing then. I am writing because it crossed my mind earlier that I could just skip my weigh in on Tuesday, and nobody would even know. It wouldn't really matter. Anyone reading my blog will only know what I tell them, right? One time. I can skip it one time and it will be okay.
And when I realized what I was thinking it scared me. Thankfully, I am writing. Because that little voice is really sneaky and she almost had me convinced, but I am not lying to myself anymore. I am not a liar, so the fact that I was considering it said a lot to me. It made me stop! That girl inside me, the fat one, the scared one? She is pretty desperate right now. And she should be! Because she is losing.
I am going to post this and I am going to hold myself accountable. I made bad decisions this week. Really, really bad ones! I almost threw in the towel.
But here is what I did differently.
I stopped!
I am taking a breather, and I am really thinking about what I plan to do. I can eat and I can be the victim and I can lie to everyone or I can stop and choose better. That's it!
I do not want to post this. It is a mess, and I know my weigh in on Tuesday will probably be a train wreck, but I am stopping now. I am not going to journey around that 'crazy circle' again! :) I will be honest and own up and move on.
I will not give this negativity any more power.
I am learning something here :)
I don't need the lesson repeated.
I will do this!
Bye for now,
Hello new friend :-) I totally relate, but as a newcomer to your blog want to congratulate you for what you have accomplished! I am into week two of weight watchers and have a long way to go. Bloggers like you motivate me so THANKYOU for your honesty.
ReplyDeletexoxo
~ You are amazing and that's what matters. ~
ReplyDeleteI admire your honesty, always.
Girl,
ReplyDeleteI have been down that road myself. It is a hard thing to do to be totally honest with yourself sometimes. You're doing the right thing. I'm proud of you.
Lori
It all doesn't sound like a mess to me. You are sorting out your thoughts and actions. That's actually good. So you had some bad days. That's OK, we all have those. I am sure that it's good to get the anger out, but also don't forget to be kind to yourself. Because you deserve that.
ReplyDeleteAnd lying... you can do something and not share it here and we'd have no idea you did it, but what's important is that you'd know and ultimately that's all that counts. I am glad to see that you have realized that and I absolutely believe you when you say that you are not a liar.
Keep fighting! *hugs* :)